


Something Just Like This

by EscapingArtist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Comfort Sex, Complicated Relationships, Dirty Talk, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Hermione/Blaise are FWB at first but this is a Dramione I promise, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Less then ideal coping mechanisms, Not Beta Read, Not Britpicked, Not Canon Compliant, Past Torture, Post-Hogwarts, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Praise Kink, Smut, Songfic, canon character death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-09
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:07:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 35,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22634815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EscapingArtist/pseuds/EscapingArtist
Summary: After a mandatory 8th year at Hogwarts,  the Ministry insists that everyone take a year off. A sabbatical. A chance to recharge. This is a disaster for Hermione who, without a plan or direction, is left trying to outrun her demons. All of her friends love this new wild and fun Mia but Draco sees through it. Sees her barely hanging on and is determined to catch her when she falls. Especially since he couldn’t the last time she needed him.
Relationships: Hermione Granger/Blaise Zabini, Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy
Comments: 141
Kudos: 139





	1. After Graduation

**Author's Note:**

> My newest work very very loosely inspired by "Something Just Like This" by Chainsmokers/Coldplay. It is a WIP but I have many chapters written so updates should be fairly frequent. Please read the tags and notes, I will try to be very clear in them what is coming up but know this is going to be a HEA. 
> 
> As always, WordsmithMusings is my Quik Quotes Quill taking my rough idea and helping me make it sound so much better

The banging was hard to distinguish at first. It blended in with the hammering and grinding of the castle being rebuilt. But, when headmistress McGonagall let out a piercing whistle, voices died down and all eyes turned to the front of the great Hall. The minister gave a curt nod and addressed the students. "Thank you all for assembling on such short notice." Hermione shifted in her seat and her eyes flicked to Harry and Draco who wore twin looks of suspicion. "As we shared when the term began after the mandatory '8th year' the ministry was in discussion for how best to facilitate the integration of both you and the graduates coming out of their traditional 7thv year into the wider wizarding society "

"Lots of big words" Blaise breathed into her ear "when what they're really saying is we fucked an entire generation and are trying to figure out how to fix it." Hermione snorted and nodded in agreement.

"After consulting with a number of experts" Shacklebolt continued "the ministry has created a mandatory gap year for all students graduating Hogwarts this year." The noise level rose until a glare from McGonagall silenced them. "Each graduate will be given a monthly stipend for the next year." Announced the Minister "and there will be a moratorium on all careers, higher education or marriages for the duration." Somewhere in the back a male voice let out an excited whoop but most of the students were glaring mutinously at Shacklebolt.

"I was supposed to try out for the Harpies" Ginny hissed and Hermione knew Harry was thinking about his Auror plans. Pansy and Draco looked conflicted and Hermione's glare softened. They'd both been worried about being married off as soon as they left school so she couldn't blame them for being a bit relieved. 

"We realize" McGonagall chimed in "that this is a bit of a shock, especially so close to graduation and it certainly was not a unanimous decision" she gave Shacklebolt a hard look and he shifted uncomfortably. "However the hope is that the year will be a chance for you to heal and find yourself again so when you do make your next steps it is with a clear mind." 

As the students filed out, Hermione felt a touch on her elbow "Pages" a low voice chuckled "I think I can see smoke from how hard your brain is working." 

Hermione exhaled noisily and smiled at the blond next to her. "It just throws everything doesn't it?" She asked "I was all set to go to university and now I just...hit pause?" 

"Not your best trait" he agreed with a chuckle.

"What about you?' she asked and he looked thoughtful.

"I may travel" he said finally "while St Potter finally shaking my hand helped a lot but it might be nice to get out of England for a while."

"That sounds great" Hermione agreed wistfully

"Come with me" Draco said abruptly then flushed just slightly.

"I would" Hermione said softly "but I have a feeling the ministry stipend won't be that generous and Shacklebolt has already requested that Harry, Ron and I remain available for 'moral boosting appearances’ she made a face and Draco cringed in sympathy. Being paraded around was not Hermione's favorite activity. 

Graduation had been emotionally draining. Looking out into the sea of families, Hermione could only see the ones who weren't there. She avoided the boat with Ron and others shouting and laughing and instead slipped in with Harry, Luna and Neville. Theo, Blaise, Pansy and Draco soon joined them and they watched the castle retreat into the distance. 

When they alighted, Hermione gave a trembling smile. She knew that none of them were particularly fond of goodbye and instead she hugged each of them and whispered "see you soon" before Harry took her arm and apparated them to Grimmauld Place 

***

A shaft of sunlight pierced the room and Hermione groaned and rolled over. Looking at her watch she swore and pushed at the arm slung across her. "Blaise" she hissed "move. I need to get ready."

"Cara, not so loud" he mumbled "it's so early."

"It's not early" she retorted, searching for her shirt "which is exactly why I need to go. Now!" Sighing in exasperation, Blaise cast an accio and Hermione's clothes and purse zoomed towards her. Catching them she planted a kiss on his dark hair before hurrying to the foo.

Stumbling into Grimmauld Place she cast a notice me not and snuck upstairs. She congratulated herself on her foresight as she skirted around Ron snogging some anonymous blond in the hallway in between promises to owl soon. 

In her room she dropped her clothes and the glamour. She cranked the shower as hot as it would go and downed a pepper-up potion before stepping under the spray. The thrum of the water helped her mind go blank as she felt the potion coursing through her veins.

Getting ready was routine. Robes, hair curly but tamed, some little nod to Gryffindor in her accessories. Tucking her wand in it's holster she opened the door, just as Harry was about to knock. He stepped back startled "oh. I just wanted to make sure you were ready."

Hermione smiled but it didn't reach her eyes "I'm ready. I'm on time. Like always." She pushed past him and down the stairs. He opened his mouth to respond, but closed it again and followed her.

***

The sun was bright and Hermione squinted and leaned forward to hear what "Penelope Call Me Penny We Are All On The Same Team Clearwater '' was telling them. Technically she was their ministry liaison but Hermione always thought of her as their handler. Turn here, smile now, don't forget this talking point. 

"Alright" Penny's chipper voice rang out "today will be an easy one. Opening a new youth quidditch field! Usual suspects. Ron and Harry you'll play in the exhibition game after. And Hermione" Hermione raised an eyebrow and Penny's smile faltered slightly "you'll cheer on your boys off course!"

"Naturally" Hermione simpered. Ron ruffled her hair and smirked but Harry just looked troubled.

The crowds were boisterous and after sipping another pepper-up Hermione was able to cheer and smile earning a discreet thumbs up from Penny. It wasn't until the interviews that everything went to hell.

Ron flirted and charmed his way through the reporters and Harry stuck to the talking points, about how quidditch had been an escape and a family for him and he wanted that for other young witches and wizards. 

Rita turned her predatory smile towards Hermione, who fingered her wand and tried not to glare. "Watching quidditch just brings you back to your Hogwarts days too Hermione?" she gushed "all those fit witches and wizards zooming around. Quite a sight! We all remember your romance with Krum! Speaking of, are there any wizards catching your eyes these days?"

Hermione opened her mouth to reply but Penny stepped slightly in front of her "Oh Rita! Always such a kidder. You know our Hermione. The resident bookworm doesn't have time for chasing boys."

"Well" Rita drawled "she's turned into quite a looker so I wouldn't be surprised if the boys were the ones doing the chasing."

"Mione?" Ron snorted "she's. She's MIONE" as if that settled the whole thing.

"Right well" Penny jumped in "we have to be going now. Thank you all" and she bustled them away. 

"Are we done" Hermione bit out, as soon as they rounded the corner.

"Sure are" Penny said brightly "so don't forget tomorrow…"

"I'll be there." Hermione snapped and apparated away. 

Landing in her room, Hermione scribbled a note and threw it through the floo. Tapping her foot impatiently until the flames turned green and she could step through.


	2. Coping

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut. It has a point but it is smut. If that isn't your thing you can skip it without losing the story too much. Just know that she and Blaise help each other cope.

"Cara" Blaise's voice sounded concerned and confused "is everything?"

She didn't let him finish his sentence. Pushing him against the wall she rose on her toes and captured his lips. Hands scrabbling at his robe she pushed it off his shoulders and ran her hands over his chest. Breaking the kiss she shrugged out of her robe and pulled her hair out of its restraints 

Blaise seemed to catch up then. Wrapping one hand in her hair he used the other to cup her ass and pull her flush to him. His hard length made her moan as she writhed against him, every nerve on fire with need.

"What did they do to you?" Blaise growled, trailing kisses down her neck and running his tongue along the line of her bra.

"Sweet little swot" she gasped, nipping his ear "innocent little bookworm can't know what those naughty boys are thinking. Only useful as a naïve ingenue."

Blaise laughed "even pissed off and turned on you can't help using big words" he teased and Hermione shrugged. "Well" he said darkly "if they only knew the real you. The dirty girl that I know." 

Hermione moaned "bed, please" 

"Maybe I should take your right here" he whispered in her ear "would anyone believe it if they knew Gryffindor's princess was being fucked against the wall by a Slytherin?" Hermione didn't respond, she just fell to her knees and dragged his boxers down. She wrapped her hands and mouth around his length and Blaise's head fell back against the wall with a crack. "I love when you suck me off" he said in a ragged voice "that swotty mouth is good for so much more than they realize." She moaned against him and he wrapped his hand into her hair. "If they only knew" he said with a laugh "if they bothered to see the real you." 

He felt her tremble slightly and gently pulled back, cushioning her head as he lowered her to the ground. Sprinkling kisses over her face and neck he lined up and drove into her in one hard thrust. Her back arched as she gave a little cry, burying her face in his neck as he hitched her leg up and set a punishing pace."mia Bella" he whispered, the Italian washing over her as she gave in to the sensations. "You are a good girl" he growled "just like they say. But you are a good girl for taking my cock. For letting me see and hear you come undone. Touch yourself Mia."

Hermione's breath was coming in ragged gasps and her eyes were shut tight as she trailed her hand between them. Finger finding her swollen clit she circled it, skipping soft preliminary touches for hard and fast. She could feel the orgasm bubbling low inside her and she closed her eyes tight, concentrating on building it.

Blaise watched her closely. This was the moment. Sometimes she needed him to keep up a steady stream of dirty talk, telling her how good she looked under him, how he was going to make her come so hard. But other times, like right now, she pressed her lips together and seemed to retreat inside herself, eyes flickering behind closed lids as she wound tighter.

For a moment she was still and then her back arched and she cried out. He held her close, pistoning in and out as she shuddered around him. Her finger traced his lips and he pulled it into his mouth tasting her release. Her body trembled through his orgasm until he lay her down gently on the floor.

Disentangling limbs he picked her up and apparated to his room. Her eyes were fluttering as he tucked her under the sheets. He kissed her on the forehead and she smiled, eyes closing. He watched while her breathing evened before casting a practiced set of cleaning and contraceptive charms. Sitting heavily in a chair by the window he watched the sleeping witch. 


	3. At the Club

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Our favorite blond makes an appearance

The music swallowed Draco as soon as he walked in the club. He looked around, spotting Pansy waving to him from a far corner. He made his way through the crowd, skirting dancers grinding against their partners. He leaned down to kiss Pansy and nodded to the others grouped around tables and couches. “Draco!” she cried, “I’ve missed you so much.”

“I missed you too Pans” he said warmly. “It’s good to be back.”

“Traveling the world get old after a while?” She teased and he shrugged.

“It was good for me.” He confessed “A break. Being anonymous. But I knew it couldn’t last. I have an idea, now I’m home to see it through.”

“Always so mysterious” Theo grinned, hugging Draco around the shoulders “Well, we missed you.” Draco turned and took in the sight of Theo with his arm casually slung around Neville’s waist.

“I missed you too” he replied “And clearly missed a lot?” He let the question hang in the air and Neville blushed furiously.

Theo laughed and kissed his boyfriend on the cheek “You won’t BELIEVE what you’ve missed mate. You won’t see Daphne or Luna tonight because they are off in some remote part of the world looking for crumple horned snorkacks and snogging...not necessarily in that order. Let’s see. St. Potter and the Weaslette called it quits soon after you left. She’s been partying with the Harpies these days. Don’t worry about Harry though, our Pansy has been making sure he isn’t too lonely.” Pansy punched Theo hard in the shoulder and he winced then grinned. “Blaise is his usual self and Mia...well...Mia is the one that you have to see to believe.” 

Draco’s eyebrow arched and he opened his mouth to ask what the hell that could mean when he was suddenly enveloped by a cascade of curls and the smell of vanilla and firewhiskey. “Draco!” the voice was husky with a barely concealed giggle “Is it really you?” He half turned and was looking into Hermione’s brown eyes. “Pansy!” she declared “Has our prodigal son really returned? So many days without even an owl but here he is triumphant among us again.” 

Draco’s mouth dropped open and he stared at Pansy, whose eyes tightened slightly as she half shrugged. “C’mon Malfoy” Hermione giggled “Let’s dance!” She hauled him up and dragged him to the floor, wrapping her arms around his neck and twisting her hips to the beat. 

“Mia. I.” he paused “It’s good to see you.” She laughed and moved his hands to her waist.

“Good to see you too Malfoy” she said with a wink “I don’t know what you were doing out there in the big wide world but whatever it was you are looking fine.”

Draco’s mind stuttered for a moment as he felt her move under his hands. Her head was thrown back and the swell of her breasts was on display. She spun in his grasp and pressed her ass into him, wriggling in an invitation his body was not able to ignore. He had missed her. Missed her fire and wit. A voice deep in his head admitted he’d also missed the curve of her body and the way her mouth parted just slightly when she was thinking, but he’d never allowed himself to imagine he’d get this close to her. He lost himself in the feeling of the witch he’d only dreamed about. 

Movement on the edge of the dance floor caught his eye and he looked up and saw Blaise. He was scanning the crowd with concern, and when he spotted Hermione with Draco his face went carefully blank and he faded back towards where the group was hanging out. Draco looked down at the witch in his arms and noticed her eyes were slightly unfocused. That the smell of firewhiskey was stronger then the vanilla now and he bit back his disappointment. “I think Blaise was looking for you.” He said, spinning her once and tucking her hand into his to lead her off the floor.

“Maybe I don’t want to look for Blaise” she said saucily “Maybe I like being with you. Maybe I missed you.” 

“I missed you too Mia” he responded somewhat sadly “But let’s get you back to Blaise.”

"Blaise" Hermione said in a sing song voice "Draco thought you were looking for me." She plopped down between him and Pansy and poked him gently.

"Guilty cara" Blaise responded with a laugh "Pansy said you'd gotten some rogue out with you on the dance floor and I had to see for myself."

"No rogue" Hermione admonished " just our Draco"

Pansy stiffened and she stared hard across the room "Penelope" she breathed to Blaise who nodded once. 

"C'mon Mia" he coaxed "time to play our favorite game."

"Hide from Penny?" She sighed and he nodded. Her face fell and to Draco it seemed like a candle had been suddenly extinguished. In a practiced movement Blaise looped her around the waist and apparated them with a pop.

Draco turned to Pansy, who wouldn't meet his eyes "what the hell" he whispered and her shoulders sagged.

"Talk to Blaise" she said, standing abruptly. "Better yet talk to Mia. You have the best chance out of all of us." She turned on her heel and walked out, leaving Draco staring into the crowd of bodies.


	4. At Your Mercy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another smut chapter. If it isn't your jam you can skip it without losing too much plot.

Back at Grimmauld Place, Blaise silenced the room and ransacked Hermione's bathroom for a sober up potion. She downed it on a quick gulp and flopped down on her bed with a book just as the fire turned green. Blaise flattened himself against the wall next to the fireplace, casting a notice me not just to be safe. "Mione!" Penelope's overly chipper voice rang or through the room.

"Hello Penny" she said, without looking up. "I thought we'd discussed you Floo calling me unannounced."

"Well" the other woman drawled out "a little bird told me you'd been out and I just wanted to check up on you. Don't want any slip ups like that last time. After all the ministry did to quiet..."

"Yes. Well. Here I am. Goodnight." With a wave of wandless magic she shut off the floo and then, for good measure, flung a shoe where Penelope's head had been moments before and buried her head in a pillow. 

The room went dark and Blaise carefully came and sat down on the bed next to her. "I just want everyone to stop asking things of me." Came her muffled voice. Blaise stroked her hair but didn't say anything. "I want someone to want me, just me." She half rolled over and looked up at Blaise.

He exhaled and tweaked one of her curls "no Mia" he said, and she nodded and lay back down. "But" he said thoughtfully "what if tonight is all about you? You can take care of just yourself for a change" He flicked his wand and rope ran around his own wrists, locking them together. Hermione sat up and looked at him with surprise. "I'm here. Helpless" he gestured with his bound wrists "I'll only get whatever you decide to give me." She half smiled and brushed a curl against her mouth, thinking. "Goodness knows I'm used to that" he added, half joking.

Hermione stopped and leaned in, kissing him gently on the mouth "I can't do that to you" she said "you suffer enough. You deserve to feel good too."

He kissed her back, looping his bound arms around her and brushing her nose with his. "You do make me feel good Cara. And maybe, if I'm lucky, you'll put me out of my misery at some point and I'll be able to get that relief too." She held his gaze a moment longer and he nodded encouragingly. 

"Go sit in the chair" she commanded, straightening her back like the sternest professor. He smirked and did as he was told, watching her through half closed eyes. 

Hermione paced the room, lost in thought. Snapping her fingers a few small candles sprang to life, bathing the room in a soft glow. She paused in front of him, fingers dancing across her neck to the tie at the back of her dress. Slowly, oh so slowly, she plucked at the knot until it slithered apart. Locking eyes with Blaise she ran her hands down her sides, taking the dress with her until she could step out of it and kick it to one side. 

Blaise's cock strained against his pants and he hissed in appreciation at the witch in front of him. She gave him a half smile as she crawled into the bed. Laying back she propped herself up on pillows so she could watch his reaction. She trailed her fingers up her stomach until she could cup her breasts. Sliding a finger across each nipple she gave them a sudden pinch. Blaise groaned and she smirked to see his fingers twitch and arms strain against the binding. 

She ran her hands lightly up and over her body, feeling the ripple of sensation. "Beautiful" she heard him whisper and she looked through her lashes at him. He was following the trail of her fingers and his eyes widened as she let her hand travel lower and nestle between her thighs. 

She paused then, considering him, "what would you do, if I let you free?" 

"Anything" he answered immediately "whatever made you feel good." 

"Mm" she hummed "tell me." Reaching out with her magic she dragged the chair closer, until he could lean on the edge of the bed..but still not close enough to touch.

"Ah Mia" he breathed. "While your fingers ghosted over your body I'd be on my knees worshipping you. Running my tongue along your wet center, tasting you, feeling every shudder. I wouldn't stop until you cried out. Until you pushed me away because it was too much." 

Hermione's fingers found her clit and she circled faster, eyes closed as she listened to his words. Her orgasm built until she shuddered, hips jerking and breath coming out in gasps. She stilled and opened her eyes, Blaise still gazing at her in wonder. Smiling lazily she breathed a spell and the binds fell off his wrists. "Your free" she murmured "come here. I want to make you feel good." 

He crawled up her body, pausing to kiss her stomach, her neck and finally her soft lips. "Are you sure Cara?" He murmured "you owe me nothing." 

He felt a whisper of magic and bit his lip hard as the color of her hair rippled and changed. She ran her fingers through it, letting it hang down over her breasts and nearly covering her face. "I'm sure" she replied "and it's not a matter of owing. I want to give you this. You've done so much for me." She pulled him down and then rolled so she was on top. Sliding onto him inch by torturous inch she shook her hair so it hung in curtain around them both. She began to move, grinding back and forth, gasping as his cock hit her throbbing clit. 

Blaise pulled her closer, burying his face in her hair and thrusting from below. "Let go" she told him gently "find your release. Imagine it's exactly who you want it to be." His movements grew more erratic until he finally came, someone else's name spilling from his lips. 


	5. Pansy's Party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I try to keep my smut in its own chapter so it can be skipped if folks don't like it. So, this chapter is a bit shorter!

The owl landed on Draco's workbench and he looked up, holding out the bowl of treats as he retrieved the parchment. 

It was an invitation to Pansy's birthday party, being held at the Nott Estate. "Revels and merriment" he read with amusement. Responding with an affirmative he turned back to his research. 

**

When Draco arrived the party was in full swing. He recognized less than half of the people currently dancing and drinking and looked around for a familiar face. In one corner he saw a flash of red hair and heard Ginny start to scold.

“Blaise! You sorry excuse for an Italian gentleman...why didn’t you return my owl?” Ginny swooped in and hugged the taller man and gave her a Molly Weasley worthy frown.

“Oh, I’m sorry Ms. Sneaking Off to Harpies Training Camp” He quipped back “I was worried about blowing your cover.” 

“Fine” she said, with an exaggerated sigh “But that means you owe me at least a week’s worth of gossip you know.”

“I’m good for it” he assured her “In fact you tell me when you are heading out for the evening and we’ll get a nightcap and I’ll fill you in.”

“Deal” Ginny said with an impish grin before pulling him out onto the dance floor.

Draco watched the exchange with amusement and went to join the rest of the group on the couches. Hermione was holding a fairly full wine glass and saw Draco glance at it.

“I'm on my best behavior tonight" she said with a wink. "I would be anyway, for Pansy, but that goes double for Harry."

"Oh really" Draco asked in amusement "St Potter doesn't approve?"

Hermione snorted "the rare times he comes out with us he stares at me over those glasses of his and tries to be my father. 'how many of those have you had Hermione? Should you really be dancing like that? Do you think Penny would approve of that Mia?' she frowned "Ron could be sucking face with some girl whose name he doesn't even know and Harry doesn't blink but heaven forbid I get a little silly." 

"You at the club the other night… was that you a little silly?" 

"Yes! Exactly! I was with friends, I had a plan for getting home that wouldn't get me splinched. I wasn't hurting ANYONE."

"What about tonight?" Draco asked "does this come with a plan too?"

Hermione smiled, the first genuine one he'd seen since he got back "everyone here is under oath not to share any details of what goes on. All my best friends are back together. I'm just planning to enjoy myself."

Draco smiled back "an excellent idea." The music slowed and he held out his hand "may I have this dance?" Hermione laughed and followed him onto the floor. 


	6. Good Intentions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey lovelies, I'm editing tags as I go but tell me if there is anything you think I am missing. I'm glad you are enjoying this piece so far, keep letting me know your thoughts.

Draco relaxed as the night went on. It was good to have everyone back together. Ginny charmed little lovebirds to follow Harry and Pansy around, to the great amusement of the rest of them. Neville and Theo regaled him with tales of the greenhouse and potions lab they'd set up on the estate and the various mishaps that had occurred so far while Daphne chimed in about the magical creatures Luna had introduced her to. Hermione was dancing with Ginny and Luna and had gotten into a spirited argument with Theo about fresh vs dried ingredients in potion making. Draco hadn't exactly meant to keep track but as far he could tell she'd had maybe one glass of wine and her eyes sparkled like he remembered. 

He'd had a moment of concern when she dragged Blaise to a corner and started whispering to him urgently. He still didn't have a handle on what she and Blaise were to each other and it was unsettling. She'd gestured out to the crowd of dancers and then made him shake her hand as if in promise. 

Sometime before midnight, Ernie MacMillan came bustling up to the group and cleared his throat pompously. “Ah yes, Hermione, just the person I was looking for.” She looked at him warily and set down her glass. “I just got the final review of your proposal.”

“Really, Ernie” Ron interjected “Is this really the time? It’s a party!”

Ernie gazed down his nose at the redhead “She asked to be informed at the earliest opportunity” he sneered and turned back to Hermione. “Right, as I was saying. The committee has reviewed your proposal and has determined that it would be nearly impossible to be able to determine all Muggle casualties directly related to the second wizarding war and they also question whether a public monument would be something that would be of great value to the wizarding population in general.”

Hermione’s face drained of color and she pressed her lips together tightly “And the second part of my proposal” she asked in a clipped voice.

“Ah yes” Ernie shifted slightly “Well, seeing as your parents are still technically ALIVE they cannot be classified as a casualty of the war. And, since they don’t have any connection to the wizarding world anymore because of..ah..well because of not knowing who you are, they won’t qualify for any additional support or medical intervention.”

Hermione didn’t respond, she just picked up her glass and drained it in one long swallow then grabbed another from a nearby tray. “Erine” Pansy’s haughty voice cut through the noise “You need to leave. Immediately. Not just the room. The party.”

His eyes darted towards Pansy, who was shooting daggers out of her eyes. He mumbled something about “Just doing my duty” before scurrying off to the floo. 

“Ginny” Hermione yelled and the redhead looked up from where she’d been dancing with Blaise “Shots. Now.” Ginny looked quizzically at Hermione but shrugged, and lined up a series of shots. Grimly, Hermione downed three in rapid succession and let out a little whoop. “Let's dance!” she grabbed Ginny and Blaise and dragged them to the floor.

Pansy sat down heavily next to Draco “she poured everything she had into that proposal” she explained “They’ve been stringing her along for weeks now. That stupid prat Ernie. Why did he have to tell her now?”

Draco frowned and watched as Hermione spun Ginny and shook her ass at a nearby group of wizards before grabbing another glass off a passing tray. “What is Potter up to?” Draco asked, watching as Harry took off across the floor, Pansy looked up and huffed in annoyance.

“I told him to stay out of this.” she groaned and hurried off. Draco followed, still trying to figure out how all of these pieces fit together. When they got over there, Harry was gesturing wildly.

“Mione!” he said in exasperation “What the hell are you doing?”

Hermione rolled her eyes “I’m having fun. It is a party.” she retorted 

“You are drunk!” he announced “What next. Going to whore around with some wizard.”

Hermione stopped and stared at Harry “What the hell” she said icily.

“You think I don’t notice” Harry said firmly “The late nights or early mornings when you sneak in. The freaking hickies on your neck. Not to mention if you forget to silence your room. What are you, up to double digits now?”

Hermione laughed, but it had a slightly hysterical edge to it. “Are you seriously slut shaming me Harry Potter? Trying to be the morality police? You don’t actually know if I’m sleeping with anyone, much less multiple anyones. Oh, and by the way.” She stepped closer and poked him hard in the chest “Ron is DEFINITELY in double digits. In fact, it was reported on in the Daily Prophet this week. So why aren’t you scolding him?” 

Harry stepped back, face slightly red “I just care about you Mione. I don’t want your reputation to be…”

“Oh fuck off with your concern about my reputation.” She snapped “You can either care about public perception or care about me. Make up your mind.” She defiantly drained her glass and stormed off across the room.

Harry turned and looked beseechingly at Pansy. “I told you not to get involved” she said tiredly 

“She’s like my sister. I love her.” He said miserably.

“You have a funny way of showing it” Pansy snapped back “The only time you worry about her is when she’s acting up in public. You’ve never once mentioned that you try to spend time with her privately, or talk to her, or ask her what is going on. For fucks sake you can’t even remember that she HATES to be called Mione.” He reached out for her hand but she shrugged it away. “You’ve made enough of a spectacle at my party. I suggest you go home and figure out some way to make it up to me AND Mia.” 

Blaise looked up and frowned, watching as Hermione staggered towards the door. He squeezed Ginny's shoulder in apology and strode over to her. Draco's eyes followed as Blaise tried to talk to her and Hermione pulled herself up to her full height and shook a finger in his face. She gestured towards the bathroom before gripping his shoulder and whispering something in his ear. Blaise's shoulders slumped as he watched her walk away and Draco made his way over to his friend. "Mate, what's going on?" Draco asked quietly and the look of pain in Blaise's eyes made his heart clench. 

"She's so drunk" he admitted "I told her I would take her home but she forbade it. I, well, I have an opportunity this evening and she made me promise I'd see it through." His eyes flicked towards the group of friends and Draco nodded in understanding.

"You can't protect her every minute" Draco said gently "and you deserve a chance at your own happiness."

Blaise laughed bitterly "that's exactly what she said." He sighed "but I worry. She's so much more fragile than anyone is willing to admit and getting this news tonight…" he trailed off for a long moment "it will make her more vulnerable."

"I'll take care of her," Draco said firmly. "I'll make sure she gets home safe. Blaise wavered but a peel of laughter made him look up. "It's ok." Draco assured him "she'll be safe with me. Go. Don't miss this chance." Blaise gripped his arm tightly and nodded.

"Thank you," he said sincerely. 

Draco leaned casually against the wall near the bathroom, waiting for Hermione to come out. When she finally did, Cormac McLaggen nearly bowled him over trying to get to her. “Mione” he said with an overly saccharine tone “You haven’t danced with me ALL night.”

“Sorry” Draco purred, staring hard at Cormac “Her dance card is full tonight.” He laced his fingers through hers and pulled her in close. Her mouth made a perfect little ‘o’ of surprise and she stared up at him. “In fact” he said, leaning closer so only she could hear “What do you say we get out of here?”

Her cheeks flushed pink and she tightened her grip “You’re joking” she said accusingly and he winked at her.

“Completely serious.” he assured her “Blaise left. I believe on your orders? So…” he trailed off and smirked.

Hermione gasped slightly “I’ll just grab my coat” she said and vanished through the crowd. 

Draco felt a hand grip his elbow like a vice and turned to find the furious face of Pansy Parkinson. “What are you doing” she hissed “She is beyond wasted. She couldn’t consent to a handshake in this state.”

“Pansy” Draco said firmly “You know me. I would never take advantage of someone like that.” With anyone else he would have been furious, but he knew Pansy was just as worried about Hermione as Blaise had been. “I promised Blaise I’d get her home safely. It seemed like the easiest way to make sure she didn’t go home with anyone else was to make her think she was going home with me.”

Pansy seemed troubled “You know that she actually cares about you don’t you.”

Draco’s face fell “I do.” he said softly “And I care about her.”

“But” Pansy said and Draco nodded. Pansy exhaled “Don’t hurt her and don’t let yourself get hurt.” she admonished and vanished into the crowd.

Hermione reappeared, cheeks flushed and coat draped over her arm. “Ready” she giggled as she looped her arm through his. 

“Side along ok?” he asked and she nodded. He wrapped his arm around her and she nestled under his chin. His stomach twisted, she felt so good like this. “Alright, here we go.”

They landed in Draco’s room and Hermione giggled and stumbled “It looks just like I imagined!” 

“You’ve imagined my room?” Draco asked in amusement as he rifled through the cupboard for a hangover potion and filled a glass of water.

“I’ve imagined more than that” she said in a stage whisper and winked at him. “In fact. I’ve been wondering about what it would be like to kiss you since 5th year.”

“Well I have you beat” Draco said with a smile “I’ve wondered since after you punched me in third.”

“Guess we’ll finally find out if it lives up huh?” She asked cheekily and plopped onto his bed.

“Mhm” he said, “Just lay down there. I’ll be right back.” She nodded, kicking off her shoes and snuggling down among the blankets.

“Just don’t take too long” She called out.

Draco went into the bathroom and pulled the door most of the way shut. He leaned heavily against the frame, looking through the crack as she shifted and settled and her eyes fluttered closed. He had to swallow hard to try to calm his roiling stomach. He didn’t move until her breathing was slow and even.


	7. Morning After

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some back story comes to light... Thank you for the kudos and comments, they really make my day

The sunlight coming through the window seemed overly harsh. Hermione shifted and the little bit of movement made her head explode with pain. She opened her eyes just a little and groped around until her hand closed on the hangover potion. She downed it and drained the cup of water. When the ache had dulled somewhat she opened her eyes, and gasped in surprise. She wasn’t at Grimmauld Place and she wasn’t at Blaise’s. The room was soft greys and plain furniture with very little personal stuff visible at all. She tried to quell her panic as she peeked under the covers, she was wearing all her clothes from the night before and relief coursed through her. Gazing around she saw movement on the couch near the window, blond hair was spread across the pillow and when she rose on her knees she could see the relaxed, sleeping face of Draco Malfoy.

She sat down heavily, how had she gotten here? What had she said? Or done? Her cheeks burned, after Ernie’s bombshell last night she had started to drink in earnest and everything got a little fuzzy. She remembered telling Blaise he was NOT going to take her home and after that...nothing. 

She eased herself quietly out of bed and stole across the room. There was a creak and she froze “Really Mia” an amused voice called after her “Are you going to try to sneak out without saying goodbye?”

She turned and bit her lip, not wanting to meet Draco’s eyes “I, don’t know what happened. I don’t know what I said or did and I just hope that you can forgive me.”

He sat up and stretched, searching her face carefully “Nothing too out of the ordinary” he answered casually “Blaise had to go and asked me to see you home. You were pretty drunk so I just took you here and put you to bed.”

“So I didn’t try to. Or say.” she trailed off

“Have you ever seen my library?” She stared at him, brain trying to catch up with the shift in the conversation. 

“Uh. No.” She finally answered “I’ve heard about it of course.”

“Well sure” he answered with a leer “EVERYONE has heard about the size of my library.”

“Prat” she said with a laugh “Are you all talk or are you going to show me.”

“Go get cleaned up.” he announced “I’ll get us some breakfast then we can check it out.” He gestured to a tall closet in the corner “Magic wardrobe, a la Beauty and the Beast, you should be able to get something in your size if you are a bit patient.” 

Hermione approached the cupboard and stared at it “Um, hello” she said “Just some clothes for the day if you please.” She pulled the door open and saw an array of dresses, she plucked one out and headed for the bathroom. “Must come in handy for all the witches you bring home.” she called over his shoulder.

“I’ll have you know” he retorted “You are the first girl who has ever spent the night in my room.” 

Hermione wanted to give a cheeky response, but her face warmed a little at his comment and she couldn’t think of anything to say. 

**

“None of the rumors I heard even came close to this.” Hermione said in awe, turning in place and trying to take in everything at once. 

“First editions are over there” Draco gestured “Fiction takes up this section with the non fiction divided by category. Locator charm will help you get to whatever section you are looking for.”

“I love when someone talks nerdy to me” Hermione said with a laugh and Draco grinned at her. She turned a corner and saw a long desk littered with papers and books. “What’s this?” she asked curiously and Draco hesitated.

“It's my research” he finally answered.

She walked closer then looked over her shoulder, he nodded and she picked up the nearest book. “Healing texts'' she murmured “Defense Against the Dark Arts textbooks?” her hand strayed to a ratty looking book. “Secrets of the Darkest Arts?” She looked up in alarm but Draco just gestured to a stack of parchment “1717 Wizard Counsel Rulings on the Unforgivable Curses” she read aloud and then sifted through a stack of witness accounts from St. Mungos. “I don’t understand” she said finally, facing Draco.

“The cruciatus curse may be only one of the three unforgiveables” he answered quietly “But it leaves a damage on the brain and body unlike anything else. You know that. We’ve both seen it. And felt it.” Hermione’s breath came a little quicker, she knew that he had also been one of Bellatrix’ victims and the pain lingered.

“So, you are looking for a cure?” She asked

“Essentially” he agreed “A way to undo the damage, or mitigate it. Anything that might help.”

“Why” she blurted out, then clapped a hand over her mouth. “Sorry. You don’t have to answer that.”

“No. It’s alright” he reassured her. “I did a lot of terrible things in the war and I saw more evil then I could ever imagine. I can’t go back and fix any of those past mistakes, but maybe I can help ease their consequences a little.” He gestured to an open door “I have a potions lab set up in there, I’m doing my preliminary research now. Just trying to see what is already known.”

Hermione sat down at the desk and picked up Draco’s notes, she read through them and he watched her hand tremble slightly. “You” he paused “You could help. If you wanted to. If you thought you could.” He pressed his lips together, worried about what she’d think or how she’d react. 

“Let me think about it? I want to say yes. I just need to decide if I can handle it.”

“Of course” he responded, then gazed around for something else they could focus on.

"You should see how good at occlumency I am now" Hermione said suddenly "go ahead, test me." Draco hesitated but she waved a hand at him and he gently nudged into her mind. All he got was a blinding light before he was propelled out. "See!" She crowed "Penelope had started to poke around when she thought I wasn't paying attention. So I had Theo teach me."

"Poking around?" Draco asked incredulously "why is that allowed? Why do you stay and do all this shit for them anyway?"

Hermione shrugged "I do want to help" she said softly "Like you said, the war can’t be undone so I want people to heal. To do my part."

Draco snorted "I think you did your part with the whole killing Voldemort" he pointed out and Hermione smiled.

"About a month or two in I got overwhelmed. I made some bad decisions and because of my excellent luck they were captured by a reporter. The ministry did a lot to keep that quiet. If they hadn't, well, you know how unforgiving the wizarding world can be" she continued "they made it clear that my continued support was the least I could do." Her fingers trailed along the spine of the books. "Harry was the Chosen One. He's allowed to unofficially train with the Aurors. Ron loves the spotlight, playing quidditch and shagging groupies. But me? I try to research or study and I'm turned away from the University. I try to intern anywhere and they wag a finger in my face and say this is my year off...go rest and have fun. They think they are helping but all they've done is take away everything I know about myself."

"So you party" Draco said flatly and Hermione met his gaze without flinching.

"I do my appearances. I drown out the feelings so they don't sweep me away. I sleep late so I minimize how much time there is to think and then I do it all again." She said "Harry's busy. Ron loves things the way they are. Everyone else is finally happy and I'm not going to be the one to ruin that. So I get by." 

Draco wanted to respond, but just then a stag patronus appeared in the middle of the room “Mia!” Harry’s tired voice came out of the creature “It’s the dedication of the orphanage. Penny’s having a conniption. Where are you?”

Hermione turned and smiled apologetically at Draco “Thank you for taking care of me last night” she said softly.

"Of course Mia, you're my friend. Just, why didn't you let Blaise? He said you forbid it." 

Hermione smiled to herself. "He had a prior engagement. An opportunity I wasn't going to let him pass to, especially not for me." Her eyes looked troubled “I’ll try not to be a bother to you again.”

“You weren’t” he said and she just looked at him sadly 

“That’s sweet of you to say, but I know it isn’t true. I’m a bother to just about everyone. Ask Harry. Or Penny.” Then she stepped through the floo. 


	8. Ministry Ball

Draco tugged at the neck of his dress robes. He couldn’t believe that he let Blaise talk him into going to this stuffy Ministry affair. “Why are we doing this again?” He called to his friend, who was finishing getting ready in the next room.

“Free booze?” he called out and Draco snorted

“Try again.”

“Pretty witches”

“Possibly. Although I’ll have to see it to be the judge of that.”

“A chance to smooze the wizarding elite to support your research project?”

Draco sighed; there it was. He’d had lunch with Blaise and Pansy and Theo the other day and told them about what he was working on. He had plenty of funds to do the research himself but if he wanted to be able to do any testing or have it widely accepted, he’d need to align himself with St. Mungos or the Ministry or both. Pansy had immediately promised to make Potter put in a good word for him and Theo had assured him that he and Neville would help all they could. Blaise was the one who suggested that he come along to this event for a chance to charm his way through a few of the potential backers. “So who else is going?” Draco asked in a resigned voice.

“Everyone you’d expect” Blaise answered “Harry and Pansy, Neville and Theo, Ron and whoever his slag of the week is. I think Daphne and Luna may pop in and Ginny said she’d try to come by.” He came into the room buttoning his cufflinks. “I don’t think I thanked you for taking care of Hermione the other night” he said seriously.

Draco just nodded “I, see what you mean. I wouldn’t have wanted her at the mercy of Cormac or some other wanker.” 

Blaise grimaced “I know she’d have my head for spouting off patriarchal bullshit and claiming she needs to be taken care of” he said “But, yeah.” 

“Blaise. I have to ask.” Draco started, but the floo roared to life and Blaise gestured.

“Later. We’ll talk. I promise.” 

**

Blaise and Draco walked down the steps into the ballroom. Blaise inhaled deeply “Smell that?” he quipped “A fine mix of desperate social climbing and political backstabbing.”

Draco laughed “Rethinking a Ministry career Blaise?”

Blaise snorted “I am MUCH too pretty to be stuck in the Ministry. I have my sights set on something else.”

“Oh?” Draco asked, Blaise hadn’t really shared much about his plans for the future.

“PR” he admitted “Preferably with a Quidditch team. I’m pretty charming you know.” Draco snorted “Plus it gets me out with people, I think I need that.”

“Well, you certainly don’t need the money.” Draco pointed out “But yeah, I can understand that. For what it’s worth” he added “I think you’d be excellent at it.”

“Thanks mate” Blaise said warmly

Draco and Blaise were lounging against the bar when Blaise inhaled sharply. Draco turned around and saw what had captured his friend’s attention. Hermione and Ginny were descending the stairs arm in arm. Ginny was draped in gold and her legs looked a mile long as she navigated the stairs. Hermione was in silver, high necked and modest until you noticed the slit that went nearly to her thigh. Ginny’s eyes sparkled as they reached the two men “Jaw off the floor boys” she said with a grin. Blaise bowed over her hand and immediately led her out to the dance floor. 

Hermione watched them go with a fond smile. Draco touched her arm “Dance with me?” he asked and she nodded. He followed her gaze. “Does she?” he asked and Hermione nodded. “Finally, thank Merlin” he breathed and Hermione laughed as he swept her around the floor. 

When the dance ended Draco led her over to their table. Hermione fidgeted “I thought more about your proposal” she said, Draco arched an eyebrow and she swatted him “to help with the research” she reminded him. 

“And?” he asked, resting a hand lightly on her wrist.

She inhaled and met his gaze “I want to help.”

“Are you sure? I don’t want you to get into something that would be too much for you.”

“I’m sure” she answered and fidgeted with her napkin “I’m not saying I’ll be totally ok every minute.”

“Join the club” Draco said blandly “We’ll take care of each other.”

She smiled shyly up at him “I’d like that.”

**

The next day, Hermione was puttering around her flat, when she heard a tap at the window. Hermione unfolded the letter the owl had just dropped off

_Mia,_

_I’ve been called out of the country for a few days. Why don’t we plan to meet at the Manor on Friday to get started. I’ll catch you up on my research and my preliminary theories. I can also tell you the ideas I’ve had about getting public support for the project. I’ll open the floo at 10:00am._

_DM_

Hermione tapped the paper, lost in thought. She was remembering Moody/Crouch demonstrating on the spider, Neville telling about the horror of his parents’ treatment. Without warning Bellatrix’s cruel laugh filled her head and phantom pain laced through her body. 


	9. Mistakes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is going to reference some past poor coping skills, just as a heads up. I'm so grateful for the comments, they help keep me going and give me ideas for where the story is headed. I promise I've written some chapters coming up that are much lighter then the heavy stuff they've been going through recently!

The floo sparked and Draco excitedly turned “Mia! You’re here. I have so much to catch you up on. When I was in France, I stopped at a little bookstore I remembered and picked up this pamphlet.”

“Not so loud Malfoy” Hermione said with a wince. 

He turned and glared at her “Are you. Hungover?” he snapped and she tossed her hair

“So what if I am? I’m here aren’t I. Ready to lend my reputation to the noble cause."

Draco stared at her, running a hand through his hair in frustration. “Go home” he ground out. She just stared at him “I said GO HOME” he yelled, slamming his hand down on the workbench. “This isn’t some pet project. Some PR stunt to get me into the wizarding world’s good graces. Seeing you suffer might have been the worst, might have been what broke me. But, you weren’t the _first._ I don’t want to do this; I have to do this.” He stepped closer, glaring down at her. “I don’t need the Golden Girl. Don’t need a mouthpiece or a figurehead. I need Mia, the creative thinker. I need Pages, who won’t leave the library until she finds the answer.” He turned, hunching over the workbench, tension zinging between his shoulder blades. “If they're not here then I have no use for you.” 

Hermione’s magic flared, then she ran blindly for the floo. 

**

_Malfoy_

_How dare you. What, you think you are better than me now?_

_HG_

_\---_

_Mia,_

_I told you how important this project was to me. I trusted you._

_DM_

_\---_

_Malfoy_

_You don’t think I realize it’s important? I lived it remember? In fact, I still live it almost nightly when I wake up screaming from a nightmare._

_HG_

_PS: Remember? This is the year of bad decisions, of "finding ourselves" per the Minister. Maybe I'm not living up to your memory of me but I'm no different than anyone else from our year._

_\--_

_Mia,_

_We are supposed to be finding ourselves, not losing everything we are._

_DM_

Draco threw his quill on the floor and ran his hands through his hair. His brain was buzzing and he was angry and ashamed and confused. She’d been so sure when they’d talked at the Ministry event. What changed? 

He pulled a fresh sheet of parchment towards him and retrieved the quill. Jotting a note he sent it off with his long-suffering owl. 

**

“Got your note. Floo’s open” Blaise’s disembodied voice rang through Draco’s room. He threw a pinch of powder into the flame and stepped through. Blaise eyed him “You look like shit” he said bluntly and Draco huffed a laugh.

“Hermione came by today. Hungover.” Draco said tiredly. Blaise rubbed his eyes and sank into a chair. “Since I’ve been back, she’s been drunk or hungover or…”

“Not herself?” Blaise offered and Draco nodded.

“She told me that she is just doing her best to cope. That she’s not allowed to study or research and she’s essentially been blackmailed into helping with all of these events.”

“Sounds about right” Blaise said with a sigh

“And nobody else seems to be concerned?” Draco shot back “Her fire is GONE Blaise.”

“I know” Blaise replied “Trust me.”

“Which is another thing” Draco said bitterly “Pansy told me that I should talk to you. That you know what is going on. Blaise. I’ve tried but for the life of me I can’t figure out what is going on between you two.” 

Blaise pulled out a bottle and took a long swig. “I’ll tell you. I just want you to know that I did the best I could.” Draco eyed him warily and sat down on the other chair.

_“_ It was the first week of September. There'd been something every day. The start of Hogwarts, dedicating a plaque in Diagon and then an event at the ministry reading the names of all the fallen. Of course the three of them had to be there. Had to read the names." Blaise began

"Merlin. Are you serious? What were those wankers at the ministry thinking?"

Blaise shrugged with clear disdain and continued. "She stumbled off the stage and she looked hollow. I caught up to her first, and asked her what she needed. 'I need to forget Blaise.' it was a whisper, a plea. 'I tried drinking it away. Dreamless sleep. Nothing works. Make me forget." Blaise stared off into space, like he was watching the memory. "I took her home and...I did what I could to help her forget."

“Blaise!” Draco shouted “What were you thinking? She clearly wasn’t in her right mind. How could you” 

“Don’t you think I knew that!” Blaise shot back “I asked her a thousand times if she was sure. She told me if it wasn’t me then she’d just choose someone else. At least with me I knew she’d be safe. That it’d be consensual, that she’d feel good.”

“Well aren’t you just a noble saint.” Draco remarked snidely.

“I was upfront with her” Blaise’s voice caught “I told her that the...object of my affection was unavailable currently. That it would be good for me too. She said she knew, that she'd known since last year and if I was sure then she. Well, I thought she’d just need the one time. That her _friends_ would notice she needed help and step in. But St. Potter is too focused on saving the world and the rest of them either think this new fun Mia is great, or are too wrapped up in their own new relationships to see it clearly. There was no one else, except for”

Something pinched inside Draco “Except for me.” He finished “And I wasn’t here.” He swallowed hard "and since then?"

Blaise met his friend's gaze "I offered her a deal. No strings attached for the year. Whatever she needed to help her cope. Only rule was if one of us found someone we had to tell the other, it had to stop then. Sometimes she needed to take control, regain her confidence. Sometimes she needed to be dominated, needed to let her brain turn off completely."

"What about when she needs to be cared for?" Draco asked, before he could stop himself.

Blaise shrugged "I don't know" he confessed "she's only asked for that once and I…couldn't… That's not my place."

Bile rose in Draco's throat "you should go to her" he said "after today. I was awful. She'll need"

"You don't get it mate" Blaise said with a bitter laugh. "She called it off." Draco stared at him, uncomprehending. "After the Ministry ball. She said we had to stop."

Draco stood up and leaned against the cool glass of the window “Why” he asked hoarsely.

“You know why” Blaise answered “Salazar’s rod, Draco, don’t play dumb with me.”

“Because of me” he said quietly

“Right in one” Blaise said snidely. 

Draco exhaled, sketching runes in the fog that formed on the glass. “I care about her” he said quietly “Merlin I care about her so much it hurts. But.”

“But not like this” Blaise said knowingly “Not when she doesn’t know who she is. Not when you’re worried you’ll just hurt her more.” 

“What do I do?” Draco’s voice was pleading and he turned to look at his best friend.

“Hell if I know” Blaise laughed mirthlessly “You saw the option that I came up with. What was it she called it? Mutually Assured Destruction. I try to forget about, well, you know and she tries to forget about everything.” He took a long swig from the bottle and swirled the liquid inside.

“But” Draco said carefully “You would need it to end too now, wouldn’t you? I mean, from what you said at Pansy’s party. From how things were at the Ministry Ball.” 

“There is hope in that direction” Blaise admitted “Although nothing certain yet. Certainly nothing that would cause me to have to pull the plug. I was ready to do whatever she needed. But like I said. She called it off.”

Silence stretched out between them. Blaise sipped his drink and Draco obliterated the runes one by one. 


	10. Hogwarts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have some feelings about how women are treated in the history books. You all get to hear about it ;)

Hermione’s brain was churning. She tore Draco’s last note up into shreds and burned each piece to ash. “We’re supposed to find ourselves Mia” she said nastily “Who does he think he is...Dumbledore?” Her hand started to tremble. She lay her wand down and stared blankly ahead before putting her head in her hands and starting to sob.

Hermione had always scoffed at the idea of the cleansing power of tears. She wouldn’t go so far as to say tears were weak, but she didn’t see how they could possibly help. After the battle, at each of the funerals, she’d cried...certainly. But then she’d dried her eyes and kept moving forward. 

Only now, the tears wouldn’t stop. This wasn’t the gentle rainfall of sadness, these tears felt like they were being torn out of her. It moved backwards. Starting with memories of Fred’s frozen laugh and Lavender’s blank eyes. The sharp blade of Bellatrix’s knife sliding across her skin. Of the screaming emptiness when Ron left them in the forest and the despair of watching her parents forget her. She thought it would stop there but it kept going. It slipped backward farther to the collective anguish of the loss of Cedric ending with the bittersweet memory of a wide eyed 11-year-old witch who thought the world was full of promise. 

When the tears finally stopped, she felt empty, almost light headed. All she could think about was Hogwarts. Throwing some things into her beaded bag, she took a deep breath. “Destination, determination, deliberation” she said firmly and vanished with a pop. 

**

Landing in the grass outside the gates of Hogwarts, Hermione looked up at the castle gleaming in the afternoon sun. She whispered for her patronus and sent the otter bounding off to the Headmistress, she trusted McGonagall to let her be at peace. The older witch had sought Hermione out after the start of term, reminding her that the Ministry was NOT to interfere at Hogwarts and if she needed a place to escape to that she was always welcome. Casting a notice-me-not she opened the gates and slipped through. 

Hermione had expected to be flooded with memories as she walked around and, they were certainly there. But the phantoms were gentle. Mostly she was thinking about her 8th year, about how excited she’d been to be back to learning for the sake of learning and all the excitement about what could come next. 

It wasn’t a surprise when she found herself standing outside the library. The smell of old books enveloped her and she went in eagerly. Trailing her fingers over the books she felt the vibrations of the magic in them. Only a few students sat hunched over tables and she moved easily among the stacks. 

She found herself at the table in the back corner, near the large window looking over the lake. During 8th year this had become “her” table, well, truthfully “their” table. Ron and Harry had made it clear that they were only back at Hogwarts because the Ministry required it, they were planning to coast through as easily as they could and be gone. She had scolded them, but Harry had given her a pleading look and asked that she please just drop it.

She’d been in the library alone, trying to be ok with it just being her and her books. Then Theo gestured her over, inviting her to study with “us snakes.” Daphne had leaned over and quietly told her they always went for the table near the window because Draco got anxious if he was in the dark too long. A few days later Neville and Luna trailed behind Ginny, who marched over and said if the brainiest kids in the school were teaming up then they wanted in. 

Her mind drifted back to one night just after the winter holidays. The light was fading over the mountains and everyone else had headed off to dinner. Hermione was determined to get her essay finished so she could spend the rest of the week reviewing it. She hadn’t realized that Draco had stayed behind also. When she looked up, he was watching her, a half smile on his face. 

_“What are you smirking at?”_

_“Nothing Pages, just watching you.”_

_“Because that’s not at all creepy.”_

_“I’m just amazed, how does all that fire and drive fit into one person? You are going to save the world.”_

_“I already did that; I don’t want to save the world again I just want to make it a better place to live in.”_

_“Me too.”_

Soon after that conversation the Ministry had announced the government enforced “gap year” and discussions of future plans had faded away, put on hold for the next year. Except for Draco, apparently, he had just kept his head down and moved forward. “But what about me?” She murmured to herself. She’d just let herself spin in circles, not moving forward but not taking time to heal and find herself either. “What a fucking waste.” She thought bitterly.

She glanced over, the rope around the Restricted Section catching her eye. “The year’s not over yet” she murmured, eyes lighting up as she hurried through the stacks. 

**

A noise startled Hermione and she rubbed her gritty eyes and blinked. A tabby cat patronus with a severe expression was perched on the end of the table. "Miss Granger, seeing as you are on school premise your health and wellbeing are my responsibility. Therefore I insist you join me in my office for supper. As an added inducement you may remember the great number of rare texts that are housed here and may be of assistance in your research. The password is biscuit." The cat turned and with a flick of its tail sauntered off. Hermione smiled and put her books in a neat stack, she'd really exhausted the resources here and she was rather hungry. 

Hermione pushed open the office door and smiled to see headmistress McGonagall bent over a parchment. She looked as collected in her office as she had battling Death Eaters and Hermione was extremely grateful something still seemed the same. "Headmistress" she said warmly and the older woman looked up

"Ah Miss Granger"

"Please, I’ve told you, call me Hermione" she responded with a laugh.

"Then" the headmistress said with a smile "you must call me Minerva." She waved the younger witch in and busied herself with a tea service. Once they both had a steaming cup Minerva looked over her glasses at Hermione severely. "You do realize that you caused me to lose the bet, don't you?"

"I'm sorry. What? “Hermione sputtered. McGonagall chuckled at the other witches' confusion.

"I had said you wouldn't last two months before coming back to the Hogwarts library and hear you are after nearly six months."

Hermione laughed, but it sounded a little bitter “I went a bit off course.”

McGonagall set down the teacup and turned towards Hermione “The Ministry’s plan, like so much of what they do, was full of good intentions. They reasoned that if they just turned everyone loose at the end of the year there would be a rush of failed marriages and early pregnancies, of people ending up in the careers they thought they should be in rather then what was right for them. Look at Mr. Potter and Miss Weasley, instead of rushing into their fairy tale ending they realized that actually they weren’t right for each other at all. And Mr. Weasley, well, he would have been failing out of Auror training about now and where would that have left them?”

Hermione fiddled with her cup “So where did I go wrong? I have just been in an endless whirlpool that isn’t taking me anywhere.”

“The Ministry’s plan was excellent for the average witch or wizard; whose plans fell within what is generally accepted and supported. Even your Mr. Potter, with his unique life experience, still wants what is fairly typical for a wizard and Miss Weasley’s Quidditch dreams fall squarely within what the Ministry can envision for a young witch. But you, my dear, you are different.” 

Hermione trembled slightly “Different” she said hollowly

“The plan didn’t work for you because they could never have accounted for your talent and drive and compassion. A year of living at ease, of ministry sanctioned selfishness? Anyone who knows you would laugh at the idea that you could be happy like that. But because you didn’t have the resources or connections of say...a Draco Malfoy” here she looked meaningfully at Hermione “You were on your own.”

Hermione got up and walked to the window, leaning her forehead against it and feeling the chill of the glass against her skin. “I don’t know what I want to do any more.” she confessed “I thought I knew, I thought I would go to University or get a Ministry job but now I’m not sure. I feel like there isn’t a place for me.”

“The Wizarding World has never known what to do with talented witches” McGonagall said tartly “Just look at the way they downplay household spells and magic. Have you seen what Molly Weasley can do wandless and how many spells she can maintain at once when she is prepping dinner? If that was applied in fieldwork it would be the talk of everyone, but because it is in the home it is dismissed as kitchen magic.” Hermione nodded, she had to admit that even she had not stopped to think about the skill of Molly Weasley. “Healing magic is the same” McGonagall continued “Unless it is some complicated curse or jinx it is passed off to a ‘simple’ healer to manage. Have you ever thought about Madam Pomfrey and how much she does keeping this school healthy and functional?” 

“No” Hermione admitted “But, I should have. I mean she cured me from Polyjuice gone wrong, regrew Harry’s bones and de-aged Fred and George after the Triwizard Cup incident.” McGonagall’s mouth twitched slightly and Hermione smiled at the memory also. 

“Not to mention the run of the mill illnesses and injuries” McGonagall pointed out “And for the entire time I’ve been here there hasn’t been a single unwanted pregnancy or STI in the school. Not something that really gets flaunted around but when in a castle full of teenagers…” she trailed off and Hermione nodded. “And don’t forget Madam Sprout” McGonagall reminded her “The potions master gets all of the credit but think about how many different ecosystems and specific requirements she balances to make all of her plants flourish. She was able to grow the needed ingredients for everything Snape of Slughorn wanted to accomplish. All of this gets dismissed as ‘just’ hedge witch or kitchen witch magic.” 

McGonagall got up and went to the bookcase behind her desk. Searching through she carefully selected a handful of tomes and brought them back to Hermione. “These '' she said, tapping the stack “Are some of the most complete journals we have from witches through the ages. I think you should borrow them. They may not give you the direction or answer that you are looking for but hopefully they will remind you that you aren’t alone. That as long as there has been a magical community there have been witches on the outskirts that defy definition.” 

Hermione gathered up the books and held them close to her chest “Thank you” she said sincerely and McGonagall smiled, leaning in to kiss the younger witch on the cheek.

“Come back and see me soon” she said “I’ll be interested to hear what you learned.” Hermione nodded and McGonagall led her to the floo.


	11. Friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know Harry hasn't been doing a great job at being Hermione's friend, he gets a chance to change that now. Thank you so much for your comments and kudos. I treasure each one and they help melt a little corner of imposter syndrome that seems to take up residence whenever I write. If you notice any tags that I haven't listed please let me know, I'm updating as I go

“Mia, where have you been?”

Hermione had been so lost in thought coming through the floo that she hadn’t seen Harry sitting in the living room of Grimmauld Place. “Shit! Harry you scared me.” she gasped, picking up the notes she had scattered everywhere. 

“I scared you? That’s rich. You left this morning and no one has seen or heard from you all day. Merlin Mia, it is nearly 10:00pm”

“Well don’t worry” She said sarcastically “I haven’t been drinking or dancing on tables or snogging random guys or anything else that would tarnish the reputation of the Golden Trio. So, you and Penny can both back off.” She made for the door, angry tears pricking at her eyelids.

“What Mione. Shit, Mia. Sorry. Just stop.” Harry grabbed her wrist and she reluctantly turned. Harry ran his hand through his already messy hair. “You’re right” he finally said “Pansy’s right. I’ve been going about this all wrong. I’ve made it seem like I just care about your reputation but that’s not it, I’m worried about you Mia. You, you aren’t yourself. I thought that maybe if we kept things really orderly, with schedules and timetables and if we were doing things that helped other people that maybe it would help. I thought that if I could just point out, get you to see how different you were acting. But then, Ron was telling me to lay off, saying that you letting loose and having some fun was a good thing so I second guessed myself. But it doesn’t seem like a good thing. I...oh bollocks I’m not making any sense, am I?”

Hermione laughed and sat down on the couch, she patted the space next to her and Harry threw himself down. “I’m miserable.” she said flatly, looking him in the eye “The past six months have been awful. Sure, there have been some fun bits but mostly….” she trailed off.

“What can I do” Harry said instantly and Hermione smiled, this was her best friend, the one willing to dive in first and ask questions later. She rested her head on his shoulder and his arm curled around her. She was silent for a long time.

“I can’t do the appearances anymore Harry” she finally said “Each one feels like it is carving another bit of me out. I drink or, well, other things, to forget and even that isn’t working anymore.” Harry’s arm tightened around her.

“I didn’t realize” he said hoarsely “Why didn’t you say something?”

“What was I supposed to say Harry? ‘I can’t dedicate this house for war orphans because I don’t feel like it.” She laughed bitterly “Plus, you and Ron both seemed so happy. And everyone else was pairing off and doing well with this ‘gap year’ I didn’t want to screw things up. Also…” she trailed off again and fidgeted uncomfortably. 

“What” Harry said, meeting her gaze.

“About a month in, after that really long week, you remember? Well, my coping mechanisms were less than ideal at that point. I got caught by some reporters acting in a...less than Golden Girl fashion. The Ministry hushed it up and Penny made it clear that my continued _support_ would be adequate thanks.”

“Fuck. Mia! They’ve basically been blackmailing you this whole time?” Harry shouted and Hermione shrugged slightly. 

“Like I said. I knew we were doing good things and I didn’t want to mess it up for everyone else.” 

Harry was silent but Hermione could feel him simmering with rage and she was grateful for it. She’d been so worried that she was losing him, that he was disappointed in her or going somewhere in the wizarding world that she couldn’t follow. “I’m going to see Shacklebolt first thing Monday” he finally said “This is going to stop.” 

“Well” Hermione joked “If Shacklebolt will listen to anyone it is the Chosen One and his future head Auror.”

Harry grimaced and Hermione cocked her head “What” she asked “What is it?”

“I don’t think I want to be an Auror anymore” Harry said with a rush and Hermione’s eyes widened. “I mean, I thought I did. I was sure I did. But, a wizard cop? Really? I just don’t think I can do it.” He scrubbed his hands over his eyes.

“So, don't,” Hermione said with a shrug. “No one can make you.”

“I know” Harry said “Just, that is what is expected and”

“Yes, well, people have been ‘expecting’ things of you since you were an infant” Hermione responded archly “I think they’ve reached their quota don’t you.” Her voice softened “Harry, it’s ok.”

He smiled at her “Thanks Mia. I love you, you know that right?”

She smiled back “I do. And I love you too.”

He pulled out a notebook and flipped it open “OK, one problem at a time. Let’s go through stuff we have coming up and see if there are any of these that you WANT to do. Otherwise, I’m going to make it clear your participation is not mandatory.”

Hermione looked down at the notebook “Harry James Potter” she said with mock severity “Do my eyes deceive me or is that a color coded and tabbed organizer of all of our scheduled appearances. 

He laughed and kissed her on the forehead “Did you think I’d really be friends with you for this long and not pick up a thing or two?” He teased “Now c’mon, look through this with me.”

When they’d finished marking down the list, Hermione turned and looked at Harry. “I’ve missed you.” 

Harry’s eyes looked troubled and he sighed “I missed you too Mia. I’m sorry I didn’t see you even though you were right there.”

“It’s ok” she responded softly “I wasn’t even seeing myself properly.”

Harry looked down at the pile of books on the table “So, where were you today? I ask this out of genuine curiosity not because I’m keeping tabs on you.”

Hermione laughed “Hogwarts” she admitted. “Draco invited me to work on a research project with him. And, well, I screwed up. Really badly. He got mad, deservedly so” she added hastily when Harry’s brow furrowed “And I ran for it. I just, had to go to Hogwarts. I don’t know, soul searching or something.”

“And let me guess.” Harry said with a smile “You ended up in the library?”

“I did” she confirmed “And I talked to McGonagall and...well I don’t have a plan yet but at least I feel like I’m pointing in the right direction.” She picked at a piece of lint on the couch “I just don’t know how to fix what I did to Draco.”

“Mia, it couldn’t have been that bad.” Harry said 

“The incident this morning was bad” she said “But it's also, I don’t know. I feel like he must hate me or be so disappointed in me. Here he is turning his whole damn life around and I’m just spinning in circles.”

“If anyone can understand what it is like to feel pressure from society to act a certain way, even when it goes against who you are, it is Draco Malfoy” Harry pointed out “And as for hating you...I highly doubt that. Mia,” Harry paused, weighing his next words “He’s cared about you...a lot...for a very long time.”

“I care about him too” Hermione said quietly “I was going to say something, I don’t know, ask him out? After graduation but then he left to travel and everything just kind of went to hell.” 

Harry flipped through the pile of notes filled with Hermione’s neat script. “Well, whatever it is you are working on, you seem to have copious amounts of notes. Why don’t you send him what you’ve found? You can tell him your sorry but this will SHOW him.”

Hermione looked up “That is a very good idea. Harry James Potter, when did you get so smart?” 

He smiled “Like I said, how can I be friends with you for this long without something rubbing off?” He stood up and pulled her off the couch. “Want to go for a walk in Muggle London with me tomorrow?” he asked suddenly “I feel like I could use a break from all things wizard.”

Hermione smiled “I’d love that.” 

**

Closing the door behind her, Hermione pulled out a piece of parchment. Tapping it thoughtfully she wrote 

_Draco,_

_I’m sorry. I was awful this morning and you were right to send me away. I’d like a chance to make it up to you because I do feel like this project is important. I spent the day doing some research at Hogwarts, enclosed are my notes._

She hesitated for a moment and then signed it _Pages_

**

In his flat, Draco finally flung himself into his desk chair and pulled out a piece of parchment. He’d left Blaise’s and spent most of the afternoon flying, just trying to clear his head. He couldn’t believe how much he had overlooked; how little he’d really known about what was going on in Hermione’s life. He’d just assumed that she’d be fine, like always. That when he got back, they could go on being friends and maybe, MAYBE explore something else. 

He hadn’t even told her that he cared about her before he left. He wanted to do something first, to show her that he had promise and was “worthy” whatever the hell that meant. Leaving Wizarding Britain had been the right thing for him, he didn’t regret that, but he did regret not staying in touch, not making it clear what he was doing and why. Grand gestures were fine for fairy tales, but real people needed the small things that keep them connected. 

Quill poised above the parchment he took a deep breath and began to write.

_Mia,_

_I was wrong to lose my temper. I hope that you will still consider working with me on this project. If so, I’ll be in the library researching on Monday morning. I’ll open the floo at 9:00 if you care to join me._

_Draco_

He attached the note to his owl and sent it off, before he could close the window another owl came barreling in. Surprised, he took the note off of its leg and scanned the content. His lips curved in a smile as he saw how she had signed it. 


	12. Pyramids

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some references to past poor coping mechanisms. Also a super aggressive "have you tried this latest product" woman, which honestly might be worse for some people. Please note I have no problem with the use of essential oils or homeopathic remedies, it is the overwhelming sales tactics and pyramid scheme model of much of it that I'm gently poking at here.

It was bright and crisp and Hermione realized that she hadn’t seen this early on a Saturday morning in a long time. Harry met her with a takeaway cup of tea and they snuck out before having to make awkward conversation with Ron’s date. Steam curled off the mug and they walked in comfortable silence. 

As they waited at a crosswalk, Harry’s tea went down the wrong pipe and he spluttered and coughed, Hermione patted him on the back but nearly dropped her own cup when a chipper voice announced near her ear “Allergies? A cold? Whichever they are just the WORST. Have you ever tried essential oils? I swear by them. They fix everything. Why, my mother’s cousin’s neighbor used them to cure her CANCER can you believe it?” She turned; eyes wide to see a very earnest woman with a “can I talk to your manager” haircut bearing down on them rapidly. “Hi, I’m Karen. If you don’t already have a distributor then please consider me. I’m happy to get you set up with our starter kit.” She shoved a leaflet in Hermione’s hand and was about to start in again when the light changed.

“OkThanksGotToGo” Hermione said in a rush and yanked Harry across the street, pulling him down a side street then doubled back and cautiously looked around the corner.

“Mia!” he laughed “Slow down. I think you lost her. Merlin, I don’t think you were that thorough when there were snatchers after us!”

She rubbed her neck in embarrassment “Sorry. I just hate when people try to get you in on their pyramid schemes. Buy these supplements or this frying pan.” She turned the paper over in her hand “I mean, I know that these oils actually can do a lot of good. I mean, if Muggles had access to the right potions’ ingredients and preparations.” she peered at it more closely “I’m not sure how it could ‘fix catastrophic trauma and lingering pain.” 

Harry peered over her shoulder “Well, like you said, it's not really that different from what goes into a lot of potions. I mean, Molly Weasley makes this amazing headache remedy and I know she puts some of this and this in it” he said, gesturing at the list of oils.

Hermione tapped the paper against her lip, there was the barest glimmer of an idea but it wasn’t coming to her yet. “You know” mused Harry “Do wizards vaccinate? I don’t think I’ve ever asked that before. And, Madam Pomfrey could tell if there was a broken bone but only because of the angle and such. What kind of diagnostics can they do? Do they have something like an MRI to help them see nerve damage or ligament tears? It seems like most Wizard Healing is either undoing curse damage, sort of resetting the clock, or throwing a bunch of magic in there and hoping it sort of knits everything back together.” He shook his head and took another sip “Pansy is going to have my head when I start throwing all of these questions at her.”

He’d taken a few steps before he realized that Hermione wasn’t following him. She was staring off, lost in thought. He sighed, taking a sip of his tea and waiting for her to snap out of it. “Harry” she finally said “I think maybe you are onto something.” She rummaged in her coat and pulled out a pen.

“You carry a pen?” He asked curiously

“Quills are ridiculous and useless, don’t you think?” She asked with a huff

“Definitely” he smirked “I was just surprised. Now, are you going to tell me what is going on?”

“Not yet” she said slowly “I want to talk to Draco, and find a squib doctor…” she trailed off and Harry laughed.

“Ok, well, talking to Draco I’m assuming you can do on your own, but you might talk to Andromeda about a squib doctor. She still has a few connections to the Muggle world from Ted.” 

“Great idea!” Hermione said, her eyes shining “Do you think she’ll mind if I send her an owl? I know I haven’t really been over that much...”

“She’d be fine with it, I’m sure. In fact, I’m going to see Teddy later this afternoon. I can ask her if you’d like.”

“Oh Harry! That would be wonderful!” Hermione clapped her hands and did a little hop skip. It looked so much like the old Hermione that Harry’s stomach clenched slightly and he squeezed her shoulder.

“Does this have anything to do with Draco’s research on the cruciatus curse Pansy was telling me about?” He asked curiously and Hermione nodded. “And this was what you said that you messed up about? When you went to see him?”

She sighed “Yeah, I got too into my head and, well. Anyway. He asked if I wanted to give it another shot and I do, I really really do.” She bit her lip and looked down at her shoes.

“You got into your own head because you were remembering Bellatrix” Harry said and Hermione nodded “Mia. I think it is great that you are back to researching and using that amazing brain of yours. Do you think, is this the right project? Are you going to be ok?”

“I don’t know” she said softly “But he trusts me Harry, even after the complete fuck up I’ve made of the last few months. And it could really do some good.” 

“OK” Harry said simply and Hermione gave him a radiant smile.

“This is why you are my best friend” she said sincerely “Because no matter what you just say ‘ok’ and make it happen.” She stopped and hugged him tightly and he rested his cheek on the top of her head.

“Mia” Harry said carefully “Do you still, like him? I mean LIKE him like him. Are you going to see if he wants to go out soon?”

“Well” Hermione drawled “I was planning to send him a letter that said ‘do you like me check yes or no’ why? Do you not think that is a good idea?” Harry snorted and she poked him in the chest before her smile flickered away “I do still like him” She said “I didn’t realize how much until he showed up at the club that night. Merlin, I just missed him. But I’m not going to even think about that until I get my head on straight. Plus” she added wistfully “Who knows if he even cares about me at all that way.” 

Harry’s thoughts drifted back to Pansy’s party and the Ministry Ball and the way Draco’s eyes had lit up when she walked in the room. He sighed “Well, like you said, one thing at a time.”

**

On Monday, Hermione stepped through the floo into Draco’s library. She had given herself a rousing pep talk in the shower and determinedly ignored the pepper-up potions lined up in her cabinet. He was already there, bent over his workbench and her stomach did a little flip at how his shirt pulled across his shoulders. “Good morning” she said softly, not wanting to startle him.

Draco turned at the greeting and crossed the room in three steps. He hugged Hermione, tucking her head under his chin and wrapping his arms around her tightly. “I am so sorry” he said firmly and she looked up at him in surprise. He let go, stepping back and rubbing his neck in embarrassment. “Look. I want to be upfront. I went and talked to Blaise. I asked him what the hell was going on with you, and...with you two.”

The color drained from Hermione’s face and she half turned, resting a hand on the fireplace mantel. “Did he give you all the lurid details” she choked and Draco looked alarmed.

“What? Merlin, no, not like that. Fuck, I’m screwing this up already. Hermione, listen, he told me how the Ministry used you. How you’d been basically abandoned by everyone. I didn’t, I didn’t realize. I assumed you would be alright. You were the heroine for Circe’s sake. I should have seen...should have realized. After everything, throwing you into the deep end of this research? I just, I just knew you had the brains to figure it out but I forgot that the brains come with a heart as well.” 

Hermione turned to look at Draco “I drank excessively.” She said flatly “I didn’t even know you could get addicted to Pepper-Up Potion but I accomplished it. And I had sex, lots of sex, not the sweet storybook kind either.” 

Draco didn’t break her gaze “All fairly typical coping mechanisms, so I’ve been told. The alcohol and sex I tried myself.” 

She wanted to ask a lot of things. She wanted to ask if he thought she was broken, if she was dirty, if she was as much of a fuck up as she assumed she was. But before she could say anything, he held out a hand “Let me show you the research I’ve done so far.” Her hand trembled as she nodded and stepped up to the workbench.


	13. Flying

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little plot, a little of Draco's back story, the beginning hints of romance...enjoy!

An elf apparated into the room with a pop “Master Draco!” she scolded “Mipsy be telling you that you need to eat! And with a young miss here! What kind of house will she think we run?”

Draco laughed and stretched, rolling his head to loosen the muscles. “Hermione, may I introduce you to Mipsy? She has taken care of me since I was a baby. She now takes a wage and a day off every week and makes up for it by terrorizing me about my diet and sleeping habits.”

Hermione bit her lip and inclined her head “Lovely to meet you Mipsy” she said sincerely “I’m glad someone is here to keep Draco in his place.”

Mipsy shook her head sadly “I do try Miss. Now, Master I will get lunch set up for you. Maybe out in the conservatory? It’s a lovely day.”

“Thank you Mipsy.” Draco said and the elf vanished.

“I should get going” Hermione said “This is giving me a lot to think about. Oh!” she pulled out the leaflet from Karen and pinned it to the board above the table “I’m working on an idea. When I have a better grasp of even what I’m thinking I’ll fill you in.” 

Draco read the paper, frowning a little at the unfamiliar words she’d scrawled on it and nodded. She headed towards the fireplace and he suddenly looked up “Wait. Have lunch with me.”

Hermione hesitated “I don’t want to take up more of your time.” 

“Listen, I said we were going to do this the right way. Not let you get into your own head. It took me a while but I’ve figured out ways to decompress after, to separate the research from the rest of my life. It helps, really.”

“Aftercare” Hermione murmured and Draco’s eyes widened slightly “Nothing, never mind” she said, cheeks burning. “Ok, lunch sounds great.”

Draco offered his arm "it'll be easier if we apparate." Hermione smiled and took his arm. She blinked in the bright sun off the conservatory and inhaled deeply, the smell of flowers filling her.

"This is what I would do if I had your money" she said, turning to him with her eyes sparkling "flowers like this, warmth, any time." 

"It was my mother's favorite spot" Draco told her "even when Vol- during the war, this place was relatively untouched. I'm not sure if she put layers of compulsion charms guarding it or if the optics just weren't dark and broody enough for the Death Eaters."

"Draco, your parents, are they still?"

"In France" he said brusquely "Father is on permanent house arrest with magical suppression. They opted for France to keep a lower profile."

"So is it just you and Mipsy here?" She asked quietly, not wanting to overstep

"Yes." He paused "I am slowly taking over the family business, although I've officially been the head since Father's sentencing. Part of that requires me to be in residence at our ancestral seat. I pushed it off as long as I could traveling but now" he shrugged. 

Hermione squeezed his arm and gestured to the table "we don't want to offend Mipsy" Draco laughed in agreement and pulled a chair out for her. "So what sort of business are you doing?" Hermione asked curiously "if you don't mind me asking."

Draco leaned forward eagerly "we've had a number of ventures that we've been a part of for years. Vineyards, manufacturing, that sort of thing. But, I've been working on a new idea. An apothecary shop and supply company." Hermione raised an eyebrow. "Think about it" he said "except for St Mungo’s you have to know how to brew things yourself or know someone you can get things from. An apothecary that focuses on everyday needs, quality ingredients for home brews... it's a need and an untapped market."

"Huh" Hermione said "that's true. I mean we had Pomfrey at school and now I just make or get things from Molly." Draco could see the wheels turning in her head and eagerly laid out more of his plan.

Conversation was light during lunch, with Mipsy popping in and smiling to herself about how relaxed and happy Draco looked with the young miss. 

When Hermione leaned back with a cup of tea she smirked at Draco over the rim "so other than eating extravagant meals what are some of these decompression techniques." 

"Flying" he replied instantly and looked shocked when she shuddered "not a fan?" He asked curiously 

"Not in the slightest. I've tried brooms, thestral and dragon and all are awful." 

"Ok first of all, you will tell me that story sometime. And second, was your only broom experience at school?"

Hermione made a face "Ron talked me into flying with him once. I was nauseous for an hour after." 

Draco snorted "if you've only flown as a brand-new witch at 11 and with WEASLEY no wonder you hate flying." He stood up and extended a hand, gesturing briskly. "C'mon. We're going"

"What? Now? No!" Hermione said, choking slightly on her tea.

"Yes. C'mon lioness or are you more of a kitten?"

"Lioness, kitten, Mia, Pages, Granger. Just how many nicknames do you have for me?"

"Different pet names for different situations" he said with a wink "now, let's go."

Hermione wasn't sure why she followed him; she's was unswayed by dares but part of her wanted to see him in his element on a broom. 

He summoned two brooms and lay them on the ground "oh" she said in surprise "I'm not going with you?" 

Draco smiled "I will happily take you flying Mia but I also want you to be able to handle a broom on your own." 

"Broom, wand" she said with a toss if her hair "I know my way around wood." 

Draco snorted "I'm sure you do. Now stop with the innuendo." He stood just behind her and extended a hand. "Up" he said, confidently but without excessive force. The broom leapt into his grasp.

She took a deep breath and he put a hand on her shoulder, giving her a small squeeze. "Up" she said and gasped in delight when the broom jumped into her hand.

Draco held it steady while she arranged herself on it and nodded for her to kick off. She looked at him in shock when she was smoothly a few feet off the ground, hovering steadily.

Draco got on his own broom and rose to meet her. "The school brooms are worn out" he explained. "It would be like... brewing in a rusty cauldron. You could do it but the results are unpredictable." She nodded and followed closely as he guided her through the basics of turns and rising and landing. 

After half an hour her cheeks were flushed and she was grinning "I flew!" She cried "and it wasn't awful!" 

Draco threw back his head and laughed aloud. "You were great Mia." He put the brooms away and led her back inside. "So, I have to do business things tomorrow, can we meet again Wednesday?"

Hermione nodded "that will give me time to follow up on a few leads." She gathered her things and started for the floo, then hesitated and wrapped her arms around him. "Thank you" she said quietly, her voice a little thick "for… Just thank you." 

Draco brushed her hair back and searched her face "thank you." He said sincerely "you are worthy of so much. I hope you know that.' impulsively he leaned down and brushed his lips against her cheek. Barely a whisper of touch but it made her skin spark. 

"See you Wednesday" she said shyly and hurried through the floo.


	14. Ginny

Harry was in the kitchen when she got back, frowning over a pot of something on the stove. “Mia, is that you?” He called out and she leaned into the kitchen. “Pansy is coming over for dinner tonight and I wanted to cook. Something went wrong.”

Hermione peered over his shoulder and smothered a giggle “Unless you are trying to make builder grade cement...yeah...something went wrong.”

Harry sighed and vanished the contents “I really wanted to do something nice for her.” He said and started opening cupboards at random.

“Well, I’m a disaster in the kitchen” Hermione reminded him “So I’m zero help. But…. has she ever had pizza?” Harry turned and looked at her and they both started to laugh.

“Perfect” he announced, heading for the phone. 

Hermione heard someone calling from the living room and went in to see Ginny’s disembodied head floating in the flames. “Mia, any chance you are free tonight?” the redhead asked hopefully.

“Well, if I stay, I get the chance to witness Pansy Parkinson eating pizza for the first time” Hermione mused “But then I also have to see her and Harry being all couple-y. So, let me put my stuff down and I’ll head over.” She paused “Um, you did want to stay in, right? Because”

“No, definitely staying in” Ginny confirmed “I got Indian, plenty to share” 

“Be there in a flash.” Hermione assured her. She called out to Harry that she was going to Ginny’s tonight and went to get a few things together. 

**

When she got to Ginny’s flat the redhead was already deep into a plate of curry and her face was a strikingly similar color to her hair. “This is the spicy one” she gasped “Mild’s over there.”

“Noted” Hermione said with a laugh and piled her plate. “So, what’s up?”

“Do I need an excuse to hang out with my friend?” Ginny admonished 

“Not at all, but that’s not usually initiated with ‘are you free tonight’ and slightly puppy dog eyes.”

Ginny sighed “Alright fine. I’m a little conflicted. I need my sensible Hermione.” 

“Well, you are in luck. I happened to have reacquainted myself with sensible Hermione not two days ago and I brought her along.” Hermione nudged her friend and smiled “Now, what’s up.”

“You never lost her” Ginny said confidently “I think she just went into hibernation for a while.”

“You’re stalling” Hermione said pointedly. 

“Ugh, I feel so silly.” Ginny said, putting down her plate “Because it is about BOYS. Well, more specifically, a boy.” 

“Blaise?” Hermione asked knowingly and Ginny’s cheeks flamed.

“After Pansy’s party we went out, got a cup of coffee. I had so much fun. Then, at the Ministry ball he was charming and sweet and attentive.” She fiddled with her fork, picking it up and putting it down. “And I really think I like him.”

“So what is the problem?” Hermione asked curiously “You are single, he is single, the age difference isn’t that much”

“Blaise and I” Ginny said hesitantly “Well. What I mean is. I know you two had something. I don’t want to get in the middle. He told me, well, a little.”

Hermione squeezed Ginny’s hand and smiled at the redhead “Blaise is wonderful” she said sincerely “He has been a dear dear friend who helped me through a very dark time. But, it’s always been you Ginny. Merlin, he’s carried a torch for you since your 6th year. Even when we were...whatever we were...he was very clear that you had his heart.”

Ginny blushed and looked down. “I thought I loved Harry” she admitted “I was SUPPOSED to love Harry. Everyone thought we would end up together. When I realized I didn’t, I was lost. I didn’t know what to do. So, I ran”

“Everyone” Hermione said archly “Has a lot of opinions about nearly everything. And at least you ran to the Harpies. Look how good that has been for your training!”

Ginny laughed “True.” She paused “I really like Blaise a lot.” 

“Good” Hermione said warmly “Because I can confidently say that man loves you.”

Ginny’s eyes were shining “You think so? Because that was the other thing. Mia, I, I feel really strongly about him and it seems ridiculous. I mean we’ve been on what...three dates? We’ve barely kissed. And yet, I feel like I could...maybe...love him.”

Hermione wrapped her arms around Ginny’s shoulders and squeezed hard “You have seen more in your life than most people could handle” she said softly “And it isn’t like he’s a stranger. You’ve been friends for years. I happen to know you owl each other an indecent amount. He’s got a really good heart. Don’t overthink it.” Ginny’s eyes were shining slightly and she sniffed loudly. Hermione hesitated “If you all talked about him and me, then you probably know.” She trailed off and looked away. 

“It’s ok Mia” Ginny said sincerely “Goddess knows he was there for you when none of us were. I trust you if you say that it is over. Besides” she added grinning impishly “You can let me know if there are any tricks I should try.”

Hermione pretended to look horrified and swotted Ginny’s shoulder “Absolutely not” she announced “I do not kiss and tell.”

“The kissing isn’t the part I needed advice on” Ginny mused and ducked, laughing as Hermione fired a pillow at her. 


	15. Squib Doctor

Hermione’s eyes were scratchy and her mouth was dry as she blinked awake. She had a momentary panic realizing she wasn’t in her own bed, before Ginny’s familiar snore grounded her again. She eased herself out of bed and checked the time, it was still early and she didn’t have to be at Andromeda’s until 10. She fixed the covers over Ginny and gave her a quick kiss on the forehead before heading back to Grimmauld Place.

Harry and Ron’s doors were still firmly shut and she could sense the silencing charms on each room. Smirking to herself, the pizza must not have totally scandalized Pansy, she got cleaned up and dressed for the day. It was after she had cleaned the kitchen counter and done all of the dishes that she admitted to herself that she was trying to avoid thinking about yesterday and Draco.

Just thinking about the gentle brush of his lips made her skin tingle and her thoughts went in a dizzying circle of how much she thought she might like him, what he seemed to think of her, what she should be doing to get herself back on track and on and on and on. “Don’t overthink it” she told herself firmly, it was good advice for Ginny and she should probably take it. Was it wrong if she just...kept moving forward like they were? Did the research, hung out, saw what happened? “I’m single, he’s single” she reminded herself “We’re friends. We’ve been friends. He knows all about...the last few months. Just see where it goes.” Groaning in frustration she went to get her notes together.

**

Andromeda enveloped Hermione in a hug the minute she walks through the fireplace. “Hermione darling, I’ve missed you so much.” 

Tears prick at Hermione’s eyes “I missed you too Andromeda. I know I haven’t been here nearly as much as I should have been.”

The older woman pulled back and searched Hermione’s face “You’ve had a lot going on” she says knowingly “So don’t think anything else about it. Now, Teddy’s napping so if we are going to talk uninterrupted this is our chance. Harry was a bit confused in his message. Something about needing a squib doctor? But for research?”

Hermione smiled “Yeah, um, so I’m helping Draco with a research project and I had an idea but to see if it works, I need access to some Muggle medical tools. But since this is a squarely magical project, I thought that maybe a squib doctor would be a good branch. Harry thought you might know someone?”

Andromeda got up and retrieved a paper from the counter “I went through everyone I could think of. I thought for sure it was going to be an acquaintance of Ted’s but wouldn’t you know that it was actually someone I remembered from the Sacred 28?” She laughed at Hermione’s shocked expression. “As you know” she said delicately “Many members of the Sacred 28 are rather...strict when it comes to their family tree.” Hermione remembered Andromeda’s name blasted off the wall hanging at Grimmauld Place and nodded “Those of us who...don’t make the cut...have found each other over the years.” She handed Hermione the paper “Irvine Flint was my age, we used to see each other as children. He never came to Hogwarts and when I tried to ask what had happened, I was hushed and told to pretend he never existed. Well, when I asked around among the other “excommunicated” purebloods someone remembered that he was now a rather successful doctor.”

“How” Hermione asked in amazement, she knew that squibs who were cut off early did not usually fair well.

“Turns out that his parents were not as cold hearted as they tried to appear” Andromeda said with a smile “They had a local family foster Irvine and raise him as a Muggle, and funded his education for whatever he wanted to pursue. He actually made a nice little niche for himself among Muggleborns and Halfbloods who still like Muggle medicine and also squibs who don’t always respond well to magical intervention.”

Hermione looked down at the paper in her hand, his office wasn’t too far from Diagon Alley and there was a phone number and a note “owls accepted” scrawled across the bottom. “Do you mind if I use your owl?” she asked and Andromeda nodded and showed her where the writing supplies were. She had just sent off the message when a sleepy blue haired boy wandered into the room. Seeing Hermione his eyes lit up and he flung himself into her arms, quickly scrambling down again to start piling toys in her lap. 

“Looks like you aren’t going anywhere for a while” Andromeda laughed “I’ll get us all a snack while you and Teddy catch up.” Hermione nodded and settled in to play with the excited toddler, whose hair was switching rapidly between blue and pink and brown and blond. 

**

An owl came for Hermione during lunch and she scanned the contents “Dr. Flint can meet this afternoon” she said excitedly “Andromeda this is wonderful, thank you so much.”

Andromeda smiled “Happy to help. I know my nephew has some big plans and if he’s recruited you then he has a good chance of making some real progress.” 

Hermione blushed slightly “That’s quite the compliment” she said “I hope I can be helpful. How much do you know about what he’s doing?”

“He gave me the rough outline” Andromeda said thoughtfully “I know about his plans for the apothecary because he was actually hoping to start that under the Black name rather than Malfoy.” Hermione looked up from her plate with interest “I think both to give it a little distance from the Malfoy...reputation and completely out of Lucius’ influence.”

“He said that he has been Head of the Malfoy’s since his father was sentenced” Hermione said with confusion.

“Yes, but that doesn’t mean that Lucius doesn’t still have influence both through the loyalty of people who work for him and also through pressure he can apply to Draco.”

Hermione’s eyes flashed “I hate him” she said venomously 

Andromeda shrugged “Narcissa loves him, and I trust her enough to know that there must be something good in him. But I agree, he has a tendency to make terrible choices” Hermione snorted “I know that Draco has been quietly dissolving the less than savory components of the Malfoy portfolio and consolidating other portions. He is a good man.”

“He really is” Hermione murmured, flushing slightly. 

Andromeda noticed it and her eyes twinkled. “He doubts himself a lot you know” she mused “He is relentless because he thinks that he doesn’t deserve to be forgiven. He can accept that he was a child and forced into things beyond his control, but he still maintains that he should have done something, actively fought back.” She shook her head “He refuses to believe that he suffered at all.”

Hermione nodded, lost in thought.


	16. Dr. Flint

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All right my dears, I know that sometimes in fics it is easy to accept the magic side of things but if the "real world" stuff is off that is harder to bypass. I am asking you to squint your eyes a little at the medical track we will be taking. We are delving into nervous system/MRI machines and the like and I am playing quite fast and loose with how it "really" works, so just go along for the ride! Originally the idea came from In_Dreams (adapted with permission) and you should read their fics if you haven't :)

Hermione rang the bell for the office of Dr. Irvine Flint. He’d directed her to a side door that went to his office and living quarters rather than the public waiting room. The door buzzed and she entered a little nervously. A man with a warm smile came up and shook her hand, she relaxed, he didn’t look at all like Marcus Flint and seemed genuinely glad to see her. “Ms. Granger '' he said pleasantly “Your note was intriguing; I have about an hour before my next patients. Please, come in and make yourself comfortable.”

Hermione followed him and settled on a chair. Pulling out her notes she took a deep breath and turned to the doctor. “How much do you know about the cruciatus curse?” she asked and his eyes narrowed.

“Unforgivable, nasty, long lasting effects. Can be physical or mental” He leaned back in his chair “Why?”

“I’m assisting with research into the root of the curse in hopes of finding a...well if not a cure then at least some way to provide significant relief for the longer lasting effects. My, research partner, has been gathering up all he can find about the curse but the information is fairly limited. I started thinking that maybe the effects are present in places that the wizarding healer community don’t normally look closely at..namely the brain and nervous system.”

Dr. Flint sat forward and steepled his fingers “Interesting. Yes, you are right, there are no real diagnostic tools for looking for nerve damage in the magical community. If that is suspected the body is just generally flooded with healing potions or spells or pain relief is administered through other means.”

“Exactly!” Hermione said excitedly “That is what my friend Harry said. That wizards tend to just either try to reset the clock by undoing curse damage or throw a bunch of stuff at it and hope that it works.”

Dr. Flint laughed and rolled his eyes “Sounds about accurate” he agreed

“Well, so, I was thinking that maybe if we used some muggle tools like an MRI on patients who have had significant exposure to the curse we could see if anything unusual turns up.”

Dr. Flint leaned back “It is a good theory” he mused “At the very least it would give us some concrete evidence and additionally I’ve been interested in whether a wizard or witch’s nervous system is somehow different to accommodate magic.” He looked at Hermione “I haven’t had much need for those kinds of scans in my daily practice but it would be very intriguing research. Of course, we would need to find people who have suffered under the curse and are willing to be part of the process.”

“Well. Me” She said hesitantly “I was exposed to an extended bout of it about two years ago.” she absently rubbed the scar on her neck before dropping her hand to her forearm. “We can start with me. My, research partner, also has had some exposure and unfortunately I know a few others who would also probably be willing to take part.”

Dr. Flint looked grim “Sometimes living in the Muggle world it is easy to forget that there is a whole generation who have just come out of a war.” Hermione nodded, looking out the window to avoid eye contact. 

“I would think that maybe, you could get some scans of what a typical nervous system looks like.” Hermione said “Muggle or maybe a witch or wizard who hasn’t been exposed? If we notice any difference at all we can dig farther.”

“I’ll do a scan on myself’ Dr. Flint said decidedly “I may be a squib but at least I’m wizard adjacent so it should remove any question of Muggle vs. Wizard systems.” His eyes softened “And I was lucky that since I was cast out many years ago, I was not involved in the second war.” 

“Do you have access to an MRI machine?” Hermione asked “I’m not sure how we justify it but maybe if you just say it has to be done that is enough?”

Dr. Flint laughed and gestured to a room “Come with me” he said, inside Hermione gasped at a large space filled with a variety of medical tools. “I don’t have a chance to use these very often” he admitted “But it seemed prudent to have my own tools rather than try to sneak a magical patient through the muggle medical system. I’ll admit that I am not a very patient person, we could do this right now if you want.”

Hermione’s chest tightened but she took a deep breath “Might as well” she said firmly “So what do we do?”

**

Sometime later, Dr. Flint and Hermione sat around a computer screen in his office. He pulled up the first scan, “This is mine” he said. He pointed out the parts of the scan showing the brain and spine and the neural pathways. “You can see everything is smooth and connected, essentially clear roads between everything.” He flipped to the next scan “This is yours” he said and Hermione stared at it. The picture had the same basic structure as the previous one, but everything looked...fuzzy. 

“It’s almost like...when your hair stands up because of static” she said, scrunching up her nose in confusion.

“I’d say that is fairly accurate” Dr. Flint agreed. “I need to look at this more, do some comparisons and of course we would need some additional scans.” He took a breath “It seems like something has roughed up your nervous system. The pathways are still there but they aren’t smooth and connected anymore.” He pointed to a few different spots “If there was inflammation here then the pathway would close off even more and probably cause significant pain.” He pointed to the brain “It also means that if the brain is triggered, it would be harder for it to regulate the cortisol that is flowing. This can lead to longer lasting panic, feelings of fight or flight.”

“I know this is just one example” Hermione said slowly “But if someone had more exposure then I did, it could potentially mean that their system was frayed to the breaking point.”

Dr. Flint nodded, looking troubled “It would explain why some people end up losing their minds completely.

“I know you are incredibly busy” Hermione said impulsively “But if you have any free time tomorrow, could I bring my research partner to see you? He is a pureblood and I’ll have a hard time explaining this to him. Plus, we could scan him and have another example to compare.”

Dr. Flint nodded, flipping through his calendar. “I’m free around 10, would that work? I’m free until noon.”

“Yes, perfect.” Hermione stood up. “Thank you” she said sincerely “I don’t know yet where it will lead but this seems...promising.

Dr. Flint stood up and shook her hand “I’m honored to be a part of this.” he said “I’ll see you tomorrow.”


	17. Processing

Draco was already in the library when she got there the next morning. He turned and smiled at her and took a step closer, then paused and fidgeted. Hermione was confused, until she realized that he was probably just as confused and nervous as she was about everything. He’d kissed her, but that didn’t mean he was totally confident about it. “Hey” she said warmly “I have a meeting at 10 for us and I think that you are going to find it really enlightening. I am not sure, but I just feel in my gut that this is connected.”

“Good morning to you as well” Draco laughed “Since we have an hour, want to fill me in over some tea?” Hermione nodded and plopped down on the couch, pulling out a stack of books from her bag. “Those look like books for kids” Draco said in confusion, joining her on the couch.

“Well, they are, we are going deep into Muggle medicine for a bit and I thought this would make explaining it easier.” Draco raised an eyebrow but settled in next to her. “Forgive me if I explain things you already know” she said “I just want to make sure we are on the same page before we see Dr. Flint.”

“Flint?” Draco said curiously “Dr?”

Hermione nodded “He’s a squib, he has muggle healer training but he also keeps connected with the magical world.” She flipped open the first page “So, what do you know about the brain and nervous system?”

30min later, Draco rubbed his eyes and stretched “Ok, I think I have at least a basic understanding of how this works. And you say this MRI machine can actually see inside you? Can see all these systems that you were telling me about?”

Hermione nodded “Harry and I were talking the other day about the holes that wizards have in their medical knowledge. How as far as we’ve seen there isn’t a way to get images of all of these systems or really much connection between symptoms and what might be going on. I thought that maybe since no one has made any real strides in figuring out what the effects of the curse are that maybe it was related to not being able to SEE where the damage was done.” 

Draco looked thoughtful “And you and the doctor got some of these images? What did it show?”

“I think it will be easier if you just come and see them” Hermione said “You can see for yourself and, if you are comfortable with it, we can do an image of you to compare as well.” Draco shifted uncomfortably and Hermione gripped his hand “Only if you want to” she assured him “We’re in this together.” He smiled at her and nodded. 

“Ok, lead on partner” he told her firmly and she gathered up her notes and took his arm to apparate.

**

Draco’s eyes flickered between the images on the screen. He felt a little ill comparing the clean, smooth scan of Dr. Flint and the wild almost chaotic look of Hermione’s. “I don’t really know what I’m looking at” he said finally “But it doesn’t seem like it is good.”

Dr. Flint nodded, pointing out a few things to the younger man “If the theory Hermione has holds, then yes the ‘fuzziness’ would cause communication between parts of the body to be less reliable potentially leading to pain or mix-ups or any number of side effects.”

“It’s like what you were telling me about the brooms at school” Hermione said “They can get the job done but not reliably because they are worn out. I think the cruciatus wears down your nervous system, making it less reliable.”

“Well, we should scan me to make sure,” Draco said abruptly. “I certainly have exposure and we can see if it matches Hermione. If so, well, then we can look for some others who might be willing to volunteer.” 

Hermione caught his hand “Are you sure?” She asked “You can think about it if you want.”

Draco shrugged, a mask sliding down over his features “I’m sure” he said “I want to know.” Hermione nodded and explained quietly what he could expect from the MRI while Dr. Flint got everything set up. 

When the scans were done, they waited for Dr. Flint to pull them up on the screen. He brought in another monitor so they could see all three results in large scale. When Draco’s appeared Hermione gasped and gripped his knee. Where hers had been fuzzy, his looked like someone had tried to take a picture while running at full speed. Dr. Flint bent over the screen “Son” he asked, pointing to a spot “Do you feel pain in this area.” 

Draco’s muscles flexed and he rolled his shoulders reflexively “Nearly constantly” he said quietly.

“Hm” Dr. Flint said noncommittally “I’ll be right back.” he left the room and Hermione studied Draco.

“What did they do to you?” she asked quietly, and his eyes flickered toward her, the muscles in his jaw clenching slightly.

“I was a disappointment” he said dully “Nearly constantly. Bellatrix made sure that I knew it.” Hermione wrapped both of her hands around his as they stared at the screen.

Dr. Flint reappeared with a folder, he laid out a series of small scans. “A few of my long-time patients agreed to the scan” he explained “and I’m getting copies made of yours. I know we had discussed a few more...people who have experienced the curse being scanned as well. I am happy to do that if you’d still like to proceed.”

Hermione frowned “I know a few people for sure who have, I’ll talk to them discreetly. See if they’d be willing. I don’t want to cause problems” Her eyes flickered to Draco “in case their partners haven’t or don't know or…” she trailed off and Dr. Flint nodded. 

“Just owl me.” He said “We can set up a time.”

“Thank you,” Draco said woodenly, gathering up his things. Dr. Flint and Hermione exchanged troubled glances as they walked to the door.

When they were outside, Hermione lay a hand softly on Draco’s shoulder “I’m taking you to lunch” she said, shaking her head when he tried to protest. “We take care of each other, remember?” He let her lead him to a small cafe where she cast a discreet warming charm so they could sit in the cold sunshine. She didn’t press, just let him sit quietly, organizing his thoughts, until his eyes cleared slightly and he looked at her with a small smile.

“Weekend plans?” he asked finally and Hermione grimaced slightly.

“Nothing really” she said “I, well, I would usually go out with everyone on Saturday but I don’t...I don’t want to.” She crumbled up the last bit of her biscuit and started arranging the crumbs in a neat row “If I don’t then Ron will hound me asking me where I am and why I’m being a killjoy. I’m sure Harry and Pansy have plans and I think Ginny and Blaise.” She looked up “Oh, did you know that I think they might be dating?” He nodded and smirked slightly.

“I got an almost incoherently ecstatic owl from him the other day” he confirmed.

“I haven’t seen him at all” she said sadly “I didn’t want to bother him and I wasn’t really sure of the etiquette for the change in our...situation.”

“He’s still your friend Mia” Draco said gently “You can go have lunch with him. It’s not like you have to pretend you don’t exist.” 

A small smile flickered on her face “Your right” she agreed “But, anyway, it just means I’m a little at loose ends.”

“Have dinner with me” Draco said abruptly and Hermione’s mouth dropped open in surprise “What?” he said “Then you are busy.”

“Like, a date?” She asked slowly and Draco searched her face.

“Do you want it to be a date?” he asked quietly and watched a mix of expressions flash across her face.

“I’m still a bit of a mess” she said “I don’t want to screw things up or make anything hard for you or..or..” she trailed off and looked down.

Draco huffed slightly “None of that was actually an answer to the question” he pointed out “Do you, Hermione Granger, want it to be a date?”

She looked up, meeting his silver eyes and held his gaze. “Yes” she admitted “I would like that a lot.”

“Me too” he said honestly. 


	18. 1st Date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The faintest whiff of a lemon.

Pansy and Harry watched in amusement as Hermione paced up and down the living room. She would stop periodically at the mirror and fiddle with her curls, or her coat collar or check and recheck her wand was in its holster. “This is adorable” Pansy finally said and Hermione shot her a murderous glance. “What, it is” she said with a laugh “Draco’s ego would be so big he couldn’t get in the door if he saw how nervous you are.”

Hermione stuck out her tongue at Pansy and flopped down on the couch. “It’s stupid, I don’t know why I’m nervous.”

Harry raised an eyebrow “Because you like him” he reminded her “or as the kids say LIKE like him. For, what, a year and a half now?”

“I’ll let you in on a secret” Pansy said in a loud stage whisper “He has wanted you since third year. I think that is a full year before any of your friends even noticed you were a girl.” Harry blushed and Pansy looked smug “You two dancing around each other all 8th year was extremely annoying. But, he had some “I need to prove myself” complex going on so he wouldn’t make a move.”

Before Pansy could say anything else the flames turned green and Draco stepped through. He eyed Pansy and Harry sitting on the couch with self-satisfied smirks and Hermione’s deep blush. “Mother, Father,” he said to them with exaggerated courtesy “What time is Hermione’s curfew?”

“Oh honestly” Hermione exclaimed, jumping off the couch and taking his arm “C’mon, let's get out of here.” Pansy winked at them both as they vanished with a pop.

They landed and Hermione looked around curiously, she could hear the ocean in the distance and there was a little cottage in front of them. “Where are we?” she asked

“France” Draco said simply, he gestured up the hill “My parents live up that way.” Hermione looked at him with eyes wide “Don’t worry” he assured her “They can’t come down here. I promise.” she nodded and he offered an arm.

She stepped inside to a simple, cheerful little room. Draco lit the fire as Hermione wandered around, peering out the windows. “This is where I stay when I’m in France on business” Draco explained “I thought, well, I thought it might be nice to get away from EVERYTHING for one night.”

She followed him into the kitchen where the oven was going and a few pots were on the stove. “You cook” she said, astonished and he laughed at her response

“I cook” he confirmed “Mipsy taught me. 

Hermione peeked into the pots and took a deep whiff “It smells delicious” she said, sitting down on a stool “I’m a disaster in the kitchen.”

“Really?” Draco said with surprise “I would think an orderly mind like yours would take to cooking wonderfully.”

Hermione shrugged “Not sure why” she said “But ask Harry. I’m terrible.”

“Well, you have many other talents’ Draco said with a wink “At least you leave something to us mortals.” 

Hermione blushed and busied herself getting the table set. Draco pulled out her chair and then brought out the food, sitting down in the chair closest to her. She looked up at him a little shyly, and he set down the fork he had just picked up. “Mia” he asked, the tips of his ears going pink “I know this isn’t in the right order but, can I kiss you?”

Hermione’s heart fluttered and she nodded, leaning in towards him. His hand brushed her cheek as it slid around to the back of her neck. Her lips brushed him hesitantly at first, a small sigh escaping her. He deepened the kiss, lips moving softly, insistently over hers. He pulled back and took a shaky breath. “I’ve wanted to do that for years” he admitted “and over the last few weeks” he shook his head “I just wasn’t sure how I was going to get through dinner. It was just like I imagined.” She smiled down into her food and then looked up, meeting his eyes.

“I’ve wanted that for years too” she told him. He grinned like someone had just handed him the key to Honeydukes and scooted his chair even closer. 

All through dinner Draco found himself aching to touch her. He leaned in to brush hair back behind her ear, put a hand on her wrist when he was telling a story. When they finished dessert, Draco put down his fork and looked at her seriously. “Mia, where this goes it completely up to you.” She looked at him quizzically “I mean that on the large and small scale” he added with a laugh. “I can take you home right now. Or, I can kiss you more.” 

“Is that the large or small scale?” she joked and he gave her side a slight pinch. “Do you mean” she added seriously “what this is...meaning us?”

He nodded “I mean, it is only our first date so if you want to just see what happens I completely understand.”

“Really it is our third” Hermione answered thoughtfully “If you count lunch after Dr. Flint and at your manor.”

“Really Mia, those were business lunches” Draco scoffed “You don’t mix business with pleasure.” Her eyes sparkled and he leaned in and kissed her softly. “You don’t have to answer right now. Well, about the kissing you do, because I’m having a terrible time restraining myself.” 

Hermione laughed and kissed him back. “I would like to give this, us, a try.”

“And as for the kissing.” She said slowly, while Draco did his best not to look too eager, “I could be convinced to do a little more of that I think.”

Draco smirked and threaded his hand through her hair, drawing her to him with a gentle brush of lips. “I was really hoping you’d say that” he admitted. 

**

When Hermione stepped through at Grimmauld Place, she could see the reflection of Harry’s glasses in the flames. “Don’t worry Dad” she quipped “I’m home.”

“I wasn’t waiting for you” Harry said defensively and Hermione smiled.

“Is Pansy asleep in your bed?” she asked and he nodded “You are sweet. I love you Harry.”

“I love you too Mia. Did you have fun?” he looked a little troubled and Hermione’s eyes softened. 

“I had a lovely time.” she confirmed “I think it is safe to say that we _both_ LIKE like each other.”

Harry grinned “Good. Now I’m going to bed.”


	19. After the Date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Implied lemons then some actual lemons. Everything is consensual there is just a bit of internal awkwardness and doubting but also body positivity. Also there is a pretty significant amount of plot so if lemons aren't your thing you can skim by them and just read the rest

Hermione stood in front of the mirror on Monday frowning slightly. She had tried on and discarded three outfits already and she felt ridiculous. Squaring her shoulders she reached for the last thing she’d taken off and determinedly put it on. Before she could change her mind, she stepped through the floo.

She hadn’t been the only one looking forward to Monday. Draco had woken up early and found himself wandering around the Manor. He finally gave up and went down to the library, hoping to have everything in order before she got there. He really REALLY wanted to spend a little more time like they had Saturday, but he also knew that Hermione would never allow it if they didn’t get through that day’s objectives first. 

The floo roared to life and he turned with a smile. He was over to greet her in three steps, then stopped. He wasn't sure what the etiquette was, what she might want.

Hermione saw joy then uncertainty flicker over his face and it made her heart do a little flip. Draco was always so put together and confident, it was endearing to know he wasn't completely sure about this either. She closed the distance and gave him a soft kiss "Good morning. Did you have a nice rest of the weekend?" 

All of the tension left Draco's shoulders and he returned her kiss "Saturday was a highlight. Compared to that the rest was only ok."

"Oh really" she quipped, eyes sparkling "what made Saturday so special."

He tweaked her nose gently and winked "I had an amazing date with the most gorgeous witch imaginable."

"Lucky you" she agreed solemnly then squeezed his hand and headed to the work table. 

It certainly made the work more interesting, Draco mused, when it was interspersed with little touches and looks. She'd walk behind him and squeeze his shoulder or he'd have a chance to plant a kiss on her neck when she twisted her hair up. Then of course there was the time she dropped the papers she'd been organizing and he could discreetly watch as she went down on her hands and knees to gather them up. He should have helped her, it would have been the gentlemanly thing to do, but the sight of her delightful ass with the skirt riding up just so froze him to his seat. 

By Friday they'd managed to gather most of the history of the curse as well as known effects and any remedies that had been used with success. They'd also made out twice in the stacks of the Malfoy library, once in woods after a post research flight and a final time at Hermione's house when he'd help her carry some books home.

"Do you think" Hermione said with a giggle "that it is somewhat scandalous that we are kissing while leaning against shelves full of books about the dark arts?"

Draco considered then leaned in and ran his tongue down her neck, causing hey to shiver. "It's all about balance really Mia" he said in haughty tone "we are just keeping an appropriate work life balance." 

She snorted and gently bit his lower lip "prat" she said fondly.

"Your prat" he reminded her "you have only yourself to blame." 

She took a step back and considered him "are you mine?" She asked "what is this?"

"Besides the most delightful work environment I've ever known?" He smirked and she smacked his shoulder. 

"Be serious" she admonished

He smoothed the hair back from her face and gazed at her "I don't share well, especially things that I treasure. I would love to be yours and I'll be only yours… If you'll be only mine."

Hermione smiled hesitantly at him "I told myself that I should take some time, get my head on straight again before I got involved." Draco's face fell but he nodded in understanding "But" she continued "if you aren't, scared off, by how messy I still am. How much work I have left to do to get back to where I was. Well, the selfish part of me doesn't want to wait another minute."

Draco pulled her close, cradling her head between his hands "we're in this together, remember? We'll help each other " she nodded fiercely and gave his lips the lightest brush with hers. 

"So…." She trailed off "what are you doing tonight?"

"You I hope" he said with a straight face and laughed as she pushed him away and swatted him across the head 

"Work first then play" she reminded him "we have scans to review." 

"Yes ma'am" he answered smartly "I do like when you take charge Mia."

She just winked at him and headed over to their work table. 

Pulling out a folder she started to lay scans on the table. “I asked around to see if anyone we know was willing to be scanned” she said “If they were comfortable doing it, I also had them estimate how many times or about how long total they thought they had been exposed.” Draco winced and Hermione nodded “I know. Not the most fun thing for anyone to recall. Everyone who agreed though is really committed to this project succeeding.”

“No pressure” Draco said under his breath and Hermione gave his shoulder a squeeze.

When she’d finished, she stepped back “Left to right from the control of Dr. Flint through to the most amount of exposure time.” Draco looked closely at the scans, moving slowly down the line. 

“Single exposure seems to have very little effect” he commented and Hermione nodded

“I thought the same thing. You might be able to find something if you looked really closely, but it is isn’t immediately apparent.” She paused “I thought of asking for them to write down any lingering effects that they feel but, well, unfortunately those who had prolonged exposure also were more likely to have been exposed to other curses or been wounded in another way so I had no idea how I would parse out what is actually caused by the cruciatus.”

Draco nodded absently as he kept looking down the line. “So it seems like multiple short exposures also has very little effect.” He pointed to one scan that was marked with 3x- 5min or less “It’s just when it gets to 20min or longer that there starts to be a visible impact.” The last three scans on the list showed signs of wear, not completely fuzzy but a bit blurry around the edges. 

Hermione retrieved the scans that she and Draco had done and lay them on the end of the line. Theirs were significantly different with the blurring and fuzzing almost obscuring every part of it. Draco’s shoulders stiffened and he stared down at the table. Hermione slipped up next to him and wrapped her arms around his waist, leaning her head against his shoulders. “You didn’t deserve it” she said softly, kissing his cheek as they looked at the stand.

“Neither did you” he said bitterly “And the worst is I was right there. I could have done something, could have stopped it.”

“No.” Hermione said firmly “You couldn’t have. What would you have done? You might have been killed.”

He looked at her and his eyes were haunted “That would have been better than sitting back and doing nothing.”

Hermione searched his face, leaning in and kissing him very gently “I forgive you” she said simply “I know in my heart that you did the best you could under the circumstances. I knew it even at the time. And you have done so much good, I’m glad you were given that chance. Besides” she gestured to his scan “That is irrefutable proof that you suffered.” Draco rested his head against her hair and she let her hand drift and rub small circles on his back. 

They stayed like that until Draco inhaled shakily and straightened up again. “I think this shows us that our theory is on the right track” he said “It effects the nervous system and the longer the exposure the worse it is.”

Hermione nodded and then hesitated “I have one more set of scans” she said “But if you’d like to stop for today that is completely fine.” Draco’s eyebrows knit together and he looked at her quizzically. Hermione sighed and pulled out another folder. “Neville gave permission for his parents to be scanned” she said quietly “I haven’t looked at them yet” Draco swallowed hard. Hermione waited and finally Draco nodded sharply and she opened the folder.

Together they looked at the scans without saying a word. “It doesn’t even look human” Draco finally choked out “The connections have been snapped in so many places. The pathways in the brain are...just...” 

Hermione nodded and a tear rolled down her cheek. “I’m not sure we can do anything to fix that.' she said sadly and Draco moved behind her wrapping her in a hug. 

“Regardless, the information is invaluable.” he said. He carefully gathered up the scans and tucked them almost reverently back into the folder, laying it on the table. He turned back to Hermione and took in her tear stained cheeks and slightly wild expression. “I think that is enough for today” he said “I think I need to stop.”

She laughed bitterly and nodded. Draco moved her gently to the sofa and pulled her down onto his lap. She tucked herself in a little ball and he wrapped his arms around her. “Well this sucks” she announced and Draco chuckled.

“It is getting us on the right path” he reminded her “Little bit at a time.”

“I just don’t know what is next” she said, with an almost pout to her voice.

“Pages! You don’t have the next four steps mapped out for us. I’m shocked and appalled!”

Hermione rolled her eyes and bit his ear teasingly “Watch yourself mister.”

“Don’t start with me witch” Draco groaned, shifting slightly so she didn’t get a hint of just how much having her in his lap was affecting him. 

“Well, we finished our work...doesn’t that mean we can play.” Draco looked up and her eyes were sparkling. His arms tightened around her and he buried his head in her hair.

“Mia” he said carefully “I definitely want to...play...but we don’t have to. It’s been a draining day. So don’t feel you have to.”

Hermione gave a low laugh and sat up, straddling Draco’s lap and kissing him deeply “It has been an emotional gut punch of a day” she agreed “and I for one would like to relax and forget about it for just a little while.” She sat back “if you don’t want to though please don’t feel obligated. I know my coping methods are...not the best and it may not be what you need.” She trailed off and fidgeted slightly, not looking nearly as confident as she had a minute ago.

Draco traced the outline of her face and leaned in closer “Only one question” he breathed in her ear “My place or yours.”

“I seem to recall you have an exceedingly comfortable bed” Hermione mused and Draco laughed and apparated them to his room in an instant.

When they landed, Hermione suddenly felt a little shy. Draco watched as she wandered around the room, picking something off a shelf before putting it down without looking at it. "Mia" he said in a low voice "you're going to blow a fuse thinking that hard." Hermione laughed and ducked her head slightly. Draco walked up to her slowly, not wanting to startle her. "I liked kissing you the other day" he said conversationally.

"I liked it too" she confessed.

"I'd be ok doing that again" he continued "pretty much from now until forever." He winked at her as drew her into his arms. "May I kiss you?" He asked sincerely and she nodded frantically. 

Draco took his time, letting his lips slide along hers as his hand tangled in her hair. Cupping her ass with the other hand he drew her in closer. "You feel like you were made for me" he whispered into her mouth "Every inch of you fits against me." 

She huffed a laugh "well there is certainly enough of me." 

He pulled back, searching her face and she wrinkled her nose in embarrassment. "Is that what you think?" He mused "I bet there is just the right amount. But I better be sure." He trailed kisses down her neck, stopping at her shirt. "May I?" He asked and she nodded. He slipped his hands down to the hem and began to slowly peel it off her. Tossing it to one side he let his eyes roam her body, licking his lips ever so slightly. He smoothed his hands over the curve and rise of her stomach. Hermione held her breath slightly but he just gripped her hips tightly and drew her to him, nodding in approval. His appreciation for the situation was apparent when his hard length pressed into her

He let his hands trail upwards, running his fingers then his tongue along the line of her bra before tweaking the nipple, eliciting a gasp. 

Hermione was feeling a little dizzy. It felt so good but it was the focus and interest in his eyes that really set her off balance. He seemed to be pleased, she wanted desperately for him to be pleased. 

His hands skimmed her skirt and he leaned in to kiss her "May I, please?" He asked huskily and she quickly shimmied the offending garment down and stepped out of it. Draco dropped to his knees and kissed his way down her stomach. Trailing his nose across her panties before his tongue darted out to feel the wetness that had seeped through. She quickly pressed her thighs together and he looked up at her briefly, like he was calculating something before dropping lower to continue kissing his way down. He traced every line, whether a battle scar or marks from where her body had grown and changed. 

Finally he stood, taking her face in both hands and kissing her deeply. "After a thorough inspection" he said seriously "I can definitively say that you are just right." He guided her hand down and she moaned a little at the feel of him hard beneath her "and that I want you, badly."

"Ok" she choked out "yes, that, right now." 

Draco's eyebrows shot up "we can play more. In fact, I'd like to play more. I've had this very specific fantasy of you on the rug in front of the fire…"

"Later" she pleaded "for now, this." He looked at her a moment longer then nodded, laying her on the bed and almost reverently taking off the last of her clothes.

Hermione was relieved. This was good. She didn't have to worry about how she looked or...tasted. She knew she could be good at this. Her eyes refocused as Draco shed the last of his clothes. "Wow" she said and he chuckled and bowed slightly. She opened her arms to him and he lay carefully down. She sighed at his weight on her, she loved the feeling of being underneath him, surrounded. She could feel his hard cock teasing her opening and she let her legs fall to the side, canting her hips slightly.

Draco slid in with a groan. "Fuck, Mia" he said breathlessly as he began to thrust into her. She wrapped her legs around his waist and buried her head in his neck. 

She felt wanted, completely and just for her and it made her breath come faster. She ignored that since she hadn't gotten off yet he scraped a little as he went across her clit, keeping her face pressed to his neck so he wouldn't see her wince.

She wanted him to know how much she wanted this so she moaned a little and rolled her hips, sighing into him as his movements became more erratic.

When he rolled off and gathered her on his arms, he looked at her questioningly. "Did you get off?" 

She laughed, snuggling in closer "that was just what I wanted" she assured him, and he curled himself around her. It wasn't fireworks or the mind erasing release she had with Blaise but she thought she'd been just right, behaved like someone he could cherish. Her eyes fluttered shut as she fell asleep. 


	20. Molly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Molly is a BAMF. Also squeezed in a bit more commentary on how women and women's skills have been treated throughout history. ;) So... Sorry not sorry

“What about this one?” Hermione looked up at Ginny’s question and the redhead twirled in front of her.

“It’s lovely Ginny” Hermione said sincerel.y She shifted in her chair and recrossed her legs. Fabric dragging across her aching core made her wince.

Ginny’s eyes narrowed “Mia, are you ok? Are you hurt? You’ve been off all morning.”

“Cramps” Hermione blurted out, flushing deeply at her friend “Worse than usual and its, uh, distracting.”

Ginny tutted in sympathy “That’s the worst” she agreed “Mum has the most fantastic rub she always gives us. C’mon, I’ll take you there.”

Hermione tried to protest but it felt like just penance for lying to her friend. But, what was she supposed to say? “I had sex with Draco Malfoy and it was only ok and now I’m sore?” 

They landed outside the Burrow and Ginny barreled through calling for her mother. Molly came out of the kitchen wiping her hands “Hello Hermione dear, Ginevra what are you hollering about?”

“Mum, do you have any of the rub left? Mia’s complaining of cramps.”

Molly clucked sympathetically and pulled open a narrow door just off the kitchen. She vanished inside and Hermione’s eyes went wide, peering in she saw a neat potions lab with shelves one very wall filled with bottles. Molly reappeared waving a jar triumphantly “Here it is! I always have a good store laid by. It’s my most requested.” She handed Hermione the jar “Just massage this into your stomach and lower back.” she instructed “Of course it is most pleasant if a lover does it for you.” She winked and Hermione laughed while Ginny groaned.

Hermione wasn’t sure if the rub would have the same effect on her problem, but she dutifully dripped the liquid into her palm and spread it on her skin. A floral smell enveloped her and she sniffed appreciatively.

“That’s the geranium oil” Molly said with satisfaction “Effective and makes it smell good.” 

“Molly” Hermione asked curiously “What is that room? I’ve never seen it before.”

Molly glanced over her shoulder “That’s my little workshop” she said with a shrug “I don’t like mixing potions where we eat, Arthur did that for me after things took off.”

“What do you mean took off?” Hermione asked.

“Mum is one of the most sought after in the area for her potions and charm” Ginny said proudly. “The rub may be her most requested but she’s got a headache remedy, a burn salve, and half a dozen others. Fleur swears by her potion for colic, says it is the only way Victoire will sleep. 

“Well, I do like helping others” Molly said modestly “And I’ll be frank with you Hermione the added income was a nice little bonus, especially when the kids were young. I’ve always had a knack for potions and charms and I’ve knocked up a few different recipes over the years that seem to work very well.”

“Molly that is amazing!” Hermione said in amazement “Why didn’t you ever get a mastery in potions?

“Dear, I had seven children and no house elves. How would I have made that work?”

Hermione frowned but nodded in understanding “Is it common to have things like that made by someone? Draco said there isn’t much of available for everyday needs.”

“It’s true” Molly confirmed “You can get a few basic things at the potion supply places and of course St. Mungo’s for the catastrophic. But, most of the time families brew it themselves. If someone isn’t able to brew it then they look for someone local. Have you ever heard of a hedge witch?” Hermione shook her head. “The name comes from the women who lived “beyond the hedges” or outside the village. They were known for their skill in herbs, nature etc.” Molly shrugged “I’m one of the few practicing in the area who share their skill beyond their own family.”

“That’s incredible. I knew you were skilled but this is even beyond what I imagined.” Hermione said sincerely. “You are an impressive witch.”

Molly dimpled in pleasure “Thank you Hermione dear” she said “Not everyone takes the work of a hedge witch seriously. Since it is “just” for the home and for “simple” things they assume it must be simple to do. But it takes great skill.”

“She’s right” George said, walking up behind them and kissing his mother on the cheek. “Fred and I, we learned everything from her that went into Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes. How to create a recipe to make a desired result, how to moderate side effects...even how to bake the tasty treats we put them in! It took us FOREVER to make it work reliably.” 

Molly patted his cheek fondly “You did well after a time dear. Just took some practice.” 

“Speaking of practice, I had an idea I wanted to run by you.” George gave his mother big puppy dog eyes and Molly laughed.

“Go ahead into the workshop darling” she told him “I’ll be right along.” She turned to the girls “Ginny, I have some extra cookies in the kitchen, why don’t you take some back for your party.”

“Thanks Mum!” Ginny kissed her mother’s cheek and dashed off. Hermione started to follow but Molly caught her elbow. She pulled a small jar out of her apron pocket and slipped it into Hermione’s hand.

“My dear, this might be more the potion you are looking for” she said in a low voice “The cramp rub may help a little but this will soothe and can also be used as a lubricant.” Hermione blushed a dark red and her mouth open and closed a few times. “I can tell a menstruating witch by a difference in her magic and aura.” Molly confided “so I’m assuming what my dear daughter thought was cramps was really something else.”

“Thank you, Molly,” came Hermione’s strangled reply and Molly gave her a long hug.

“Are you being safe?” she asked and Hermione nodded “Is it someone you care about?” and Hermione nodded again. Relief flooded Molly’s face “I’m glad for that.” she said sincerely “You are a dear and wonderful girl and you deserve the best.” Somehow Hermione managed to feel both touched and humiliated as she hugged the older woman close. 


	21. Second Try

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More lemons, are healing lemons a thing? Because if so that's what this is. Ron is a bit of a jerk about Hermione not drinking at the beginning of the chapter so warning if that bothers you. But we also get to see Blaise again!

Music was pounding when she pushed open the door to Ginny’s flat. There was already a small crowd gathered around the drinks and a few knots of people were laughing in corners. Hermione glanced around, she wasn’t sure who exactly was coming tonight and she hadn’t had a chance to owl Draco and ask if she would see him. She rubbed her nose distractedly; it had been so long since she had needed or WANTED to coordinate with another person in this...couple-y…way and she was still getting used to it. 

Ginny danced up to Hermione and spun her around a few times “You look lovely!” she said enthusiastically “Can I get you a drink?”

“Just a soda please” Hermione said and Ginny nodded and danced off.

“Mione!” Ron roared and bounded over to her “I haven’t seen you. Where have you been? Why haven’t you been out?”

Hermione gave a force smile “Hi Ron” she said “How have you been?”

Ron paused and stared at her “You aren’t drinking?” he asked, sounding a little disappointed.

“Not tonight.”

“Aw, Mione, why.” Ron whined and Hermione rolled her eyes.

“I don’t want to Ron, drop it ok?”

“But Mione!”

“I believe the lady asked you to drop it.” Draco’s voice was icy as he slipped an arm around Hermione’s waist. 

Ron gave an exaggerated sigh and fell back a few steps “You don’t have to go all scary wizard on me Draco” he huffed “I was just asking if she was going to have a little fun, that’s all.”

“Ron” Hermione said, her patience fraying “I can still have fun. Now please, let’s talk about something else.” 

“Fine” Ron said with a smirk “Since when has this been a thing” he gestured at Draco’s arm around her waist and the way she was leaning slightly back into him.

“Um” she looked at Draco who smiled down at her. “Officially? This week?” 

Draco shrugged “I’ve wanted her for years so I lost track a while ago.”

“Well” Ron said shaking his finger in a way that was supposed to look menacing “If you treat her badly no one will find the body.”

“True” Draco drawled “Hermione would make sure of that.” Hermione snorted and Draco leaned down and gave her a little kiss. “C’mon love, I haven’t said hi to Ginny yet.”

He led her away and she smiled up at him “Thank you” she said “I should have realized I needed a good reason for the change in my behavior I just hadn’t thought of it yet.”

“You shouldn’t” Draco groused “If you aren’t drinking, you aren’t drinking. People need to leave you alone.”

“Yes, well” Hermione said drily “If you haven’t noticed I haven’t been left alone since I was about 11 years old.” 

They found Ginny, although she was so busy snogging Blaise that she didn’t hear them approach. Hermione slapped her ass firmly and Ginny yelped and turned around. Blaise laughed and picked Hermione up, swinging her around. “I’ve missed you cara” he said sincerely, “you’ve been avoiding me.”

Hermione bit her lip “You have a new cara in your life” she reminded him “I was trying to be respectful.”

Blaise tweaked her nose “Ginny is amore mio, tesoro mio, but you will also be cara mia. You are not allowed to hide from me anymore.” Hermione hugged Blaise hard and breathed in his comforting smell. “Are you and Draco?” he asked and Hermione laughed a little.

“Yes, at least I think so, we are going to try to...date a bit. See what happens.”

Blaise snorted “Casual dating is not going to work for you two. I hope you already decided to be exclusive.” Hermione shifted a little and Blaise laughed affectionately “Good, you did. He is good to you cara?”

Hermione looked over at Draco, who had moved Ginny a few steps away so that Blaise and Hermione could talk. “He’s wonderful” she said sincerely “I’m still getting used to him, but.” Blaise looked at her quizzically but didn’t press. “And you? You aren’t going to tire of your prize now that you’ve won her, are you?”

Blaise’s face softened as he gazed at Ginny. “She was worth the wait and I will never tire of her.” he said firmly and Hermione kissed his cheek.

“You are nothing if not a man of your word” she said “I’m so glad Blaise.” Blaise hugged her tightly before rejoining Ginny and Draco. 

“Hermione!” Ginny gasped “You have to come see what Luna gave Daphne. It’s...well...it’s one of a kind.” Hermione winced slightly but followed Ginny to the other side of the room. Blaise slid in next to Draco and gazed at the blonde.

“How are you Draco” He asked.

Draco sipped his drink and looked at his friend. “I’m not looking for details.” Draco said forcefully “But, I’m curious. Was Hermione...reserved?” 

Blaise choked on his drink and wiped his mouth “If we are talking about what I think we are talking about then...no...reserved is not the word I would describe.” He looked curiously at Draco, who was frowning. “Why?”

Draco sighed and raked a hand through his hair “When we, well, the first time. She was...almost demure. I don’t think it was bad but I know it wasn’t as good as it could have been.”

Blaise sipped his drink and stared thoughtfully across the room at the brunette who was laughing with her friends. “She likes you” he said finally and Draco rolled his eyes “No, really. She likes you, she wants you to be happy and to be everything you want her to be. With me” he shrugged “It was all about how it felt physically, there was no incentive to be protective of each other’s feelings. We were there to forget, to chase a temporary high. She feels something for you and she doesn't want to screw that up. She's probably scared you'll judge her for the things she wants, or wants to make sure she reacts 'right' so you don't feel bad."

Draco gave a hmm and swirled his glass, making the liquid tumble like a tornado. “She should know that all I could possibly want is for her to feel good.” 

“How could she?” Blaise pointed out “The only other person she has been with that she cared about is Ron Weasley.” 

Draco grimaced “Good point.” 

“Look” Blaise said “I’m going to say this once but if you tell her I told you anything I am going to deny it and then hex you. Just...talk to her. Be explicit.” Draco raised an eyebrow and Blaise saluted with his drink and moved off into the crowd. 

As the night went on Draco found himself less and less willing to be away from Hermione. He felt better if he was touching her in some way or at least near enough to see her smile. She caught him watching her once or twice and gave him a wink. Finally, he had enough and slid in behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist. “Take me home with you?” he asked in a husky voice. Hermione inhaled sharply and nodded, immediately gathering up her things and taking Draco’s hand.

**

Her confidence leaving the party evaporated when they got back to her flat. She moved around nervously, putting things away and getting tea. Finally, Draco grasped her hand and pulled her over to the couch. He sat down and pulled Hermione into his lap. Rearranging her so she was sitting between his legs he began to trail his hands up and down her arms. She sighed contentedly and leaned into his touch, eyes fluttering closed. “I think if I ever became an animagi I would be a cat” she said conversationally.

“You hate water?” Draco asked innocently and Hermione snorted

“I like being petted” she replied, winking over her shoulder at him.

Draco laughed and continued to run his hands up and down her arms, over her back and into her hair. He considered the witch in front of him. He didn’t want her to play a part, to do what she thought he wanted. But he wasn’t sure how to bring it up. He paused, smiling at a memory of 8th year. Leaning down to her ear he whispered “Truth or Dare.”

“Draco” she admonished “Seriously?”

He pulled her back against his chest “C’mon lioness, truth or dare.”

Hermione tried to turn around but Draco pinned her between his legs and she huffed in annoyance “Fine. Truth” she said with a shrug. 

He let his breath ghost over her ear “Did you come when we had sex the other night.”

Hermione stiffened and blushed furiously “I refuse to answer that” she announced and Draco laughed

“I think that is kind of answer Mia” he said teasingly and she slumped over. “Do you know why I asked?” he continued, returning to his slow strokes over her arms. She shook her head, refusing to turn around and meet his eyes “Because when I’m with you, that is what I want most of all.” He tentatively kissed her neck, when she didn’t pull away, he trailed kisses up to her ear. “Pages, when you first attempted wolfsbane, what happened?”

“I melted the cauldron” Hermione answered grumpily and Draco smiled at the memory.

“And after that?” He prompted.

“I melted one more,” she admitted “but the third time was prefect” 

“See, the first time doesn’t have to be perfect. None of them have to be perfect.” he said softly “Mia, learning you is a privilege. I’m willing to take my time, I want to know what makes your body sing.” She shivered slightly at the promise in his voice “And I want to learn from you.” 

“What if you don’t like what I have to say.” she said suddenly, half turning and searching his face. 

He traced his hand down her cheek before leaning in to kiss her. “There is nothing you could say that would scare me.” he said confidently “If it is something that I don’t want, I’ll tell you, but that doesn’t mean it is bad.” She chewed her lip and her eyes dropped. “It’s your turn to ask” he reminded her, hoping she’d feel like she was off the hook.

“Truth or Dare” she said, eyes narrowing.

“Truth” he answered calmly “I owe you that.”

“How many witches have you been with.”

“Just witches?” he asked sincerely and huffed a laugh at Hermione’s wide-eyed stare. “I told you the other morning” he said a little sadly “That I used alcohol and sex to cope also. At Hogwarts, just two, one witch and one wizard if that matters. While I was traveling” he trailed off “four, all witches.” he kissed her forehead “Since I’ve been back, just one. The best one.” she blushed slightly and leaned in to him.

“That wasn’t fair of me to ask.” she said apologetically.

“It absolutely was” he told her firmly. “I told you, I want you to be comfortable with me. I want this, all of this, to be good for you. Not just the sex but everything.” 

She nodded “I’ve only been with two before you.” she said softly “Although it probably seems like more because of my...behavior.” 

Draco just responded “Truth or dare?”

Hermione wrinkled her nose. “Dare?”

“I was hoping you’d say that.” he admitted “Kiss me. Exactly how you want to be kissed.” 

Hermione froze, then twisted to look at him. He held her gaze steadily and gave her a slow smile. Hermione nodded decisively and stood, smoothing her skirt down before turning to face him. Her eyes twinkled and she lowered herself into his lap until she was straddling him. He gripped her waist and looked at her expectantly. She bit her lip then leaned toward him, stopping when their lips were close enough he could feel the heat from hers. It took everything he had to stay still, to not close the distance. 

Hermione let their lips touch, softly meeting. Pulling back just slightly she ran her nose along his cheek and to his ear, kissing her way back to his lips. He shuddered and tilted his head, trying to give her access to whatever she wanted. When their lips touched this time there was more urgency. She ran her hands through his hair, tugging gently at the fine stands and pulling him closer to her. Almost hesitantly her tongue glided along the seam of his lips and he eagerly parted to let her in. His grip on her waist tightened and he groaned as she continued to flick and taste, her hips rolling over his hardening length. "Mia" he whispered hoarsely as she pulled back, smiling shyly at him. "Fuck witch" he laughed and rested his forehead against hers.

"Truth or Dare" she breathed into his ear.

"Dare" he answered, without hesitation. 

"Tell me what you want, then let me do it" she said, heated gaze meeting his. 

A predatory smile lit up his face and he kissed her softly "I want to go down on you. Until you are writhing and screaming my name."

Hermione inhaled sharply "I said what you want" she reminded him.

"It is what I want. It's all I can think about." He admitted, thrusting gently up so she could feel what the thought did to him. Hermione bit her lower lip, seemingly lost in thought. She stood and took his hand, pulling him up and guiding him down the hallway to her bedroom.

Draco shut the door behind them and when he turned, Hermione was sitting nervously on the bed. Her knees pressed self-consciously together and her fingers playing with the hem of her dress. Draco closed the distance between them and knelt on the floor. He brushed the hair back from her face and smiled up at her. “May I kiss you?” he asked and she nodded mutely. “Mia, you need to answer. I’m not going to do anything unless you _tell_ me it is ok.” he said seriously.

“Yes” she stammered “You can kiss me.” He cradled her face in his hands and gave her a long, slow kiss. He kissed along her jaw and down her neck while she arched her head back and sighed softly. 

“May I touch you?” he asked. 

“You can feel me up Draco” she replied in a gently mocking tone that turned into a groan as he gently bit her shoulder. 

“Sassy witch” he chastised and she laughed. She shifted, letting him slide his hands gently under her dress. His hands trailed over her hips and up the curve of her stomach. WIthout thinking, Hermione stripped off the dress and dropped it behind her. Draco gave a low chuckle and leaned down to kiss her now exposed stomach. “Perfect” he declared and she bit her lip and looked away. When she looked back, Draco was watching her “We’ll need to work on that.” he told her

“What?” she asked

“Accepting a compliment. Believing that I want you. Trusting your body.” He pushed her gently until she was laying back on the bed. Summoning a pillow he tucked it behind her head and she smiled at the care he was taking. “Truth or dare” he said as he cradled her hips with his hands.

“I believe we are in the middle of YOUR dare” she reminded him, running her hands over his wrists and up his arms.

“Humor me”

“Fine” she huffed “Truth”

Draco leaned forward and kissed her stomach again, trailing his tongue in a tight circle that made her gasp. “I want all of your reactions to be unfiltered” he told her “Good or bad, whatever it makes you want to do, I want to see it and hear it and feel it.” She blushed and nodded. Draco moved up onto the bed and lay along side her, trailing a hand from her chest down to the line of her underwear. Hermione felt the sensations pinging through her and she tried to hold still. He leaned down and bit her earlobe gently. “No holding back” he reminded her and she let the shiver course through her. “Better” he said approvingly and the note of praise made her sigh. 

He kissed down her neck again, stopping to lick or bite at any point that made her shiver. Hermione learned some things about herself, like who knew that her lower back would cause THAT kind of fizz in her stomach. He worked his way back up and paused at her bra. “Get rid of it” Hermione said in a choked voice and Draco smirked and vanished it with a wave. Leaning down he kissed his way over the curve of her breast and she relaxed into his touch. 

His tongue flicked across one nipple and then took it into his mouth, rolling it slightly. Hermione stiffened every so slightly and he immediately pulled back, looking down on her “Not good?” he asked and her mouth opened and closed.

“It’s not BAD exactly” she told him “It just, doesn’t really feel like anything so it feels kind of...strange.”

“Good to know” he said

“But its ok!” she said hurriedly “I mean, I know guys really like it so.” He covered her mouth with his, cutting her off with a kiss.

“They are delightful” he said seriously and she gave him a half smile “But they are just as delightful under my hands.” His fingers trailed over her and without warning he pinched one nipple, eliciting a gasp and moan of pleasure from her. “That seems better?” he asked and she nodded frantically. 

He let his hands trail down to the top of her underwear before pausing. This time Hermione vanished them without a word and he gave her a wicked smile as he leaned down and kissed from her stomach to the tight curl of hair. “May I touch you” he asked, almost reverently and Hermione nodded, “with my hands or my mouth?”

“Both” she said in a squeak “Both is good.” 

He leaned forward and blew gently, his breath making her gasp and twitch slightly before running a finger up to her clit. Hermione’s eyes had fluttered closed, but she opened them now, taking in his almost studious expression. He experimented with different touches, nodding in satisfaction at what made her moan or squirm. Finally, he bent down and let himself taste her. She keened and arched as his tongue teased her clit. He gently slid one finger inside of her and moved in tandem with his mouth. 

Hermione reached behind her and clung to the bedframe, hips rolling and arching into him. Her breath came in puffy little gasps and she felt the spark forming deep down. “Let go” he said in a low voice, the vibrations making her inhale sharply “I’ll catch you.” She closed her eyes then and let herself feel the orgasm building. When it came it crashed over her and her body writhed and his name was coming out in breathy needy bursts. 

Draco took her down the other side of her orgasm, moving up her body to cradle her in his arms. When the aftershocks had diminished slightly she turned and nuzzled into him. “Your turn?” she asked and he smiled down at her.

“You don’t have to” he said firmly and she wrinkled her nose “Seriously. I’m in this for the long haul, there is no rush.”

Her hands trailed down to the hardened length straining against his pants. “Another part of you begs to differ” she teased and he huffed.

“I’m not saying I don’t WANT you. Merlin, I have a mental catalog of 100 different ways I want you. I’m just saying it doesn’t have to all happen this minute.”

“We already had sex” she pointed out and wrapped his arms around her and drew her close.

“But that doesn’t mean you owe me that every time” he reminded her “Sometimes you might do something for me, sometimes I’ll do something for you. Sometimes it will be for both of us and sometimes there will be nothing. That is all ok.” 

“What if I want it” she asked him, tilting so she could see his face. “What if I told you that the last time, no, I didn’t come exactly but that it felt amazing. That I loved the weight of you on me and the feel of you moving over me and feeling your pleasure.”

Draco drew a ragged breath and kissed Hermione hard “I don’t know what to say to that Mia” he admitted “I do want you, but, I don’t need to have you right now.” Hermione considered for a moment and then pushed his shoulder lightly until he was on his back. He barely noticed when she vanished his clothes, he was so focused on kissing her and not losing contact as she straddled him.

“Is this ok?” she asked him sincerely and his eyes roamed the gorgeous woman on top of him.

“It is DEFINITELY ok.” he said firmly and she smiled at him. Lowering herself slowly until he was fully inside her she gave an experimental roll of her hips. They both groaned at the feeling, her from where it dragged against her sensitive clit and him from the heat and the tightness and the look of her moving above him. He gripped her hips tightly “Mia” he whispered and she leaned down and kissed him before getting lost in the movements. He couldn’t take his eyes off her, wanting to see every flicker of emotion, every reaction to the sensations between them. 

He could feel his release starting to build and he pulled her down to him, rolling them gently so he was on top. He moved slowly, pulling back almost all the way before sliding back into her. She clung to him, whispering in his ear how good it felt, to keep going, to let himself fall. He came hard, face buried in her neck and breath coming out in gasps. Easing out of her gently he cast contraceptive and cleaning charms and summoned the blankets to cover them. He didn’t know what time it was and he didn’t care, he just didn’t want to lose the feeling of her in his arms. 

**

Hermione had gotten used to waking up disoriented, trying to sort memory from dream. This was different, she felt like she was floating, limbs heavy, and there wasn't a leftover adrenaline buzz or unpleasant bits of nightmares. She breathed slowly, letting the pieces of herself knit back together until she could feel the solid weight of Draco's arm around her waist and the way his breath stirred the curls on her neck. 

She let herself lay there, soaking in this forgotten feeling of contentment, she tried to ignore the whirling thoughts in her brain. This was good, she was allowed to have it, she needed to remember that no matter what.


	22. Geranium

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of miscarriage and infertility

Hermione stepped into the library on Monday morning and grinned at Draco humming and nearly dancing around the workbench. He jumped when he heard her stifled laugh and flushed slightly but she just kissed him soundly and went to her notes. The weekend had been so different then any she'd had in the past few months. It was quiet and slow and she'd been content to just be with him. They'd stayed in, her request, and just ignored the world around them. Bringing herself back to the present, Hermione tapped Draco's shoulder. "I had an idea" she announced "a data point we've been ignoring." He looked at her quizzically. "We have no idea if the effects of the cruciatus change in any way over time" she pointed out "we know what all these scans show us now but does that change at all?"

Draco looked thoughtful "true, we don't know if the body does any sort of repair or if untreated it actually degrades farther over time." He rubbed his neck "but what can we do about that? Since you reckless idiots destroyed all the time turners we are kind of out of luck."

Hermione stuck her tongue out at him and he winked at her. "Alright wise guy" she chided "watch it. Besides, we can do a small sample now. We can get ourselves rescanned to see if there is anything we notice. It will at least let us know if it's something worth pursuing." 

Draco exhaled "I do not like that machine" he admitted "but it makes sense. I'll owl Dr. Flint."

**

Dr. Flint was able to fit them in just after lunch and they brought copies of the slides home for comparison. They studied then silently for a few minutes before Draco leaned over and tapped Hermione's second scan. "Look here" he said "is it just me or does this area look smoother."

Hermione's eyes flicked between the two. It was subtle but the nerves crisscrossing her pelvis did look less frayed then previously. "What does that mean" she wondered allowed, frowning at the image. 

"Maybe, like you suggested, the change is just from time?"

"But then why just in that area" she mused "the rest looks the same. That looks like there was some sort of direct intervention. I havent eaten anything new. What else?" She twisted her hair up and drummed her fingers on the table.

"Well, I can think of one thing that is different" Draco said in an amused voice "since the first scan we've started having sex."

Hermione scoffed and rolled her eyes "honestly Draco, be serious."

"I'm completely serious Granger" he retorted "we have an entire section of this library devoted to sex magic. It's an art that is quite well documented."

Hermione wrinkled her nose "Draco I don't think it's sex magic."

"Do you really want to dismiss it so quickly? We should experiment a few more times just to be sure." He raised his eyebrows suggestively and Hermione laughed.

"One research project at a time" she chided "that one can be next." Draco gave a little fist pump and Hermione dissolved into a fit of laughing.

"Ow" she gasped "I haven't laughed so hard it hurt in a while." She paused with her hands on her stomach and her eyes lit up. "Cramps!" She said excitedly. Draco looked at her with confusion. "Be right back" she said and vanished through the floo. 

Hermione reappeared holding a small bottle aloft. Thrusting it at Draco she rocked back and forth on her toes excitedly. He unstoppered the small vial and sniffed it carefully “What is it?” he asked finally.

“Molly’s rub for menstrual cramps” she announced “I used it not that long ago, you rub it into your back and lower stomach. It is the only thing I’ve done differently. My soap, lotion, laundry detergent…nothing else has changed.”

Draco carried the oil back into his potions lab and put a few drops on a slide, running a variety of scans and tests that Hermione made a note to ask him about later. “Huh” he said finally “Well, geranium oil is one of the main ingredients. Looks like some lavender and rose as well.” He tapped his chin “Did Molly say where she got the recipe from?”

“No, but we can ask her.” Hermione darted to the floo and stuck her head through, after a few minutes she came back out. “We are invited to lunch” she said happily, “c’mon lets go.”

Draco smiled, he loved seeing this Hermione again, the one on the trail of a discovery who couldn’t wait another minute. He dutifiully followed her through the floo and into the bright kitchen of The Burrow. 

“Hermione!” Molly’s hug enveloped the younger witch and Draco found himself strangely jealous of the warmth between them. “And Draco, dear, how are you?” Molly bustled over to him and kissed and hugged him soundly. Draco stood stunned for a moment, then let himself melt a little into Molly’s arms. Molly stepped back and eyed the two of them, her face broke into a grin and she clapped her hands together. “Well Hermione, could this be the reason you came to see me the other day?” Hermione’s face flamed scarlet and she nearly pushed Draco over to the table and into a seat. Molly laughed “That answers that!” she said gleefully and Draco decided he didn’t actually want to know what they were talking about. 

After getting them situated with a steaming bowl of soup, Hermione launched into an explanation of their research and what the scans had shown before and after she had used the rub. “So really” she explained “We are just hoping to learn more about it. Did you invent the recipe? How did you know to use those ingredients? Have you ever heard of ti providing relief for these kind of symptoms?”

Molly tapped her spoon against her chin, lost in thought. “The recipe was not mine originally, although I’ve made some tweaks and changes over the years. Actually, the use of geranium oil has been passed down for any number of years. It’s a pretty stock ingredient in the hedge witch arsenal for menstruation, pregnancy and childbirth.”

“Pregnancy?” Draco asked curiously “What purpose does it serve with that?”

Molly leaned back in her chair “Pregnancy and childbirth for witches has been a hardship as long as anyone can remember. You might notice that very few families have more then one or two children. That is because it is often difficult to not only get pregnant but carry a pregnancy to term.” 

Draco was quiet, thinking of his mother and all of the times she’d been “indisposed” throughout his childhood. “Why is that?”

Molly shrugged “There are theories” she said “That the magical core of the child and the mother can be draining or even be incompatible. That a magical child takes more then the average amount of energy and nurturing in its development that is difficult for witches to sustain.”

“Theories?” Draco asked “Haven’t they been studying this?”

Molly gave him a sad look “Women “problems” rarely rate an in depth study” she told him “We’re told it is just how it is meant to be, or that we must have done something wrong, or that we are exaggerating and blowing things out of proportion.”

Draco’s eyes widened and Hermione leaned over and squeezed his hand slightly “Witches don’t have it easy” she told him quietly “Our health concerns are dismissed, the laws don’t protect us…” she trailed off and Draco leaned back, absorbing all of this.

“So, you said that geranium oil was something that was passed from witch to witch? And it helped with all of this?” Draco asked, deciding to focus on one thing at a time. 

“I have some journals from my great-grandmother, that is how I learned about it” Molly confirmed “The rub is for use during cramps and also throughout the duration of the pregnancy. There is a different concoction that eases labor pains. It has fallen out of favor somewhat during pregnancy, I think witches now are so nervous about it that they don’t want to do anything their Healers aren’t fully on board with.”

“Molly” Hermione said nervously “I’m sorry, this is incredibly personal of a question but, you have seven children. Um, how?”

“Well Mia, when a man and a woman care about each other.” Draco drawled and Molly laughed while Hermione smacked Draco on the shoulder.

“I don’t know” Molly said with a shrug “I did use the rub consistently throughout my pregnancies but I can’t be certain if it was that or just that I had better luck then others.”

Hermione turned to Draco “I know this sort of takes things sideways in our research, but I’m really curious if the rub does make a demonstratable difference in women’s reproductive system. I just feel like it may be linked somehow.” She turned to Molly “Would you be willing to let us do a special kind of scan on you? It won’t hurt and I will explain everything.” 

Molly’s eyes roamed Hermione’s and Draco knew she was taking in the difference between the witch of the last few months and the one sitting before her now. “Of course dear” she said “And I know Fleur used the rub throughout her pregnancy with Victorie and Ginny has used it her whole life. Maybe those would be two other scans? I can talk to a few of the women I know who didn’t use it to see if they’d be willing to have this done too.” 

Hermione stood up and threw her arms around Molly “Thank you” she said excitedly “I just, I just know this is something.”

Molly hugged her back “I trust your instincts’ she said sincerely “Now, I have some things for Ginny, would you be a dear and grab them from the living room for me?” Hermione nodded and hurried to get them. Molly leaned across the table and put a hand on Draco’s wrist. “You are good for her” she said sincerely “Thank you.”

Draco dropped his eyes to the table, unable to meet the steady gaze of the Weasley matriarch. “I hope so” he said finally “I care about her.”

“I know you do” Molly said with a smile “You have for a while.” She sat back as Hermione returned and then stood to hug and kiss the younger witch. “Just let me know when and where” she said brightly “And take care of yourself Hermione dear.”

“Thank you Molly” Hermione responded, while Draco took the items and shrunk them down to a more manageable size. “We’ll be in touch.” With one more hug and kiss for them both, Molly waved them off through the floo. 

**

When they landed in Draco’s library, Hermione was immediately a whirlwind of energy. She jotted off a note to Dr. Flint, flitted through the stacks to find any books on magical pregnancy and childbirth and darted through the floo with a cry when she remembered the journals that McGonagall had leant her. 

Draco just eased quietly into his potions lab and began breaking down the rub even farther, he wanted to research each component and see if there were any possible combinations or interactions they were overlooking. 

The sun was slanting lower in the sky when Mipsy appeared with a crack. “Miss” she called out “I have a letter for you.” 

Hermione reappeared from somewhere deep in the shelves and took the parchment, thanking the elf distractedly. Draco came out of his lab when he heard her swear quietly. “What’s up?” he asked with concern, drying his hands so he could wrap her in a hug.

“Oh, it’s the Celebration tonight.” she sighed “I totally forgot. It was one of the few that Kingsley told Harry he would really appreciate us all being at. I think with the holidays coming up he wants to try and raise spirits and the like.”

Draco frowned “What will you have to do?”

“Be there, mostly.” she said “I don’t think I’ll have to speak, they rely on Harry for that. They’ll be press I’m sure.” she fidgeted and Draco saw her shoulders slump.

“What’s the dress code?” he asked briskly “What time do we have to be there?”

Her head flew up “We?” she asked

“You don’t think I’m letting you go to this alone, do you?” Draco brushed a curl back from her cheek and kissed her softly “We’re in this together, remember.”

Hermione’s smile was radiant but then it flickered “Um, if you go with me everyone will know that we...well that we are together.”

“Is that a problem?” 

“Not for me” she added hastily “I just wasn’t sure if it would cause any more problems for you or, I don’t know.”

He winked at her “The delightful thing about being the head of the household is that I answer to absolutely no one. Now, what time and what are we wearing.”


	23. Back-Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of alcohol abuse. We are getting to the end of the fic. I'm just trying to figure out where to draw it to a close

The ceremony had gone off without a hitch and Draco stuck close to Hermione throughout the mingling afterwards. He tried his best not to interrupt, but would put a hand on her lower back, or press a kiss to her temple in passing to remind her that he was right there. 

He could see her dimming and her shoulders slumping as the evening wore on and he finally went in search of Harry. “Potter” he hissed “How long does she have to stay?”

Harry looked up and his eyes searched for Hermione. He saw her talking with Ernie and Cormac and his jaw twitches. She had her hands wrapped over her stomach, like she was trying to protect herself and her smile was a ghost of itself. 

“Take her home.” Harry urged “Now. She’s been here for the most important stuff. I’ll cover for her.” He heard Rita’s shrill voice and looked at Draco in alarm. Draco nodded briskly and took off after Hermione. 

He reached her just as Rita was bearing down. “Hello darling” he said, tucking her against his side and kissing her forehead “So sorry to interrupt but it’s that time.” Hermione looked confused and Draco gave her a small wink. “I just talked to Harry. He knows that we have to leave.” 

Rita was hovering on the edge of the group, quill poised. “Hermione!” she called “You look quite cozy with Draco Malfoy. Are you two an item? What delightful optics of the Golden Girl with the Former Death Eater.”

Hermione’s spine straightened and she gave Rita a slow, dangerous smile. “Yes, Draco and I are seeing each other. I just really feel like it is important to make sure you don’t get too set in your ways...you know it is so easy to feel like you are trapped...boxed in so to speak.” She narrowed her eyes as Rita gulped. “You may take one picture, but only if you send me a copy.” Rita nodded frantically and gestured to her photograph who snapped a shot of Draco leaning in to kiss Hermione’s forehead. “Now” Hermione said easily “We really must be going.” She laced her fingers through Draco’s and led him off through the crowd.

When they had turned a corner, Hermione exhaled “Bitch” she said darkly and Draco laughed.

“You are scary. And hot. Especially hot when you are being all scary protective witch. I liked it.” She swatted his shoulder and he wrapped his arm around her. “Let’s get you home ok?”

“Could we go to your place, for a little while?” Her voice seemed smaller and Draco searched her face.

“Of course, if you want.” She nodded and he tucked her in closer before apparating them away. **

Draco sat in a chair by the window, watching as Hermione wandered aimlessly around the room. “Do you want some tea?” he asked and she shook her head. 

“I feel like I’m going to jump out of my own skin” she finally admitted “This is what it would be like, when I would, well, when I would go to Blaise. Sex seemed to help.” she smoothed out her dress and resumed pacing.

“I mean” Draco said “If sex helps it’ll be a hardship but I’m willing.” Hermione gave a brittle laugh and shook her head. “Ouch” Draco said mildly “Tell me how you really feel.”

Hermione froze and was over to him in a moment. Dropping to her knees she wrapped her arms around his waist and leaned into him. “That’s not what I meant. I swear” she said fiercely.”I just, well I’m sure it sounds silly but I don’t want sex to be a coping mechanism with us. I want it to be something because we lo-care about each other. Because we want to.” 

Draco hugged her back and kissed the top of her head “I was teasing lioness” he said fondly “But thank you, i appreciate that.” 

Hermione sighed and let her head fall against his chest with a thump. “I want a drink” she finally admitted. “I haven’t had anything since the first morning we worked together. I haven’t wanted it but tonight I do.” She stood up and started pacing again and Draco eased from his chair and opened a nearby cupboard. She turned when he was pulling out a decanter and two glasses. “What are you doing?”

“You said you wanted a drink” he said mildly “I’m not going to make you have it alone.”

“Aren’t you supposed to talk me out of it?” 

“You are a grown witch, in charge of your own life. If you want a drink I’m not going to tell you not to.”

Hermione stared at the two glasses and then raised her gaze to Draco. “Do you drink?” she asked “I realized I have no idea.”

“I haven’t in a while” he said uncomfortably “I found I was using it a bit too...medicinally. It seemed prudent to just stop entirely at least for the time being. It's not always easy but it has worked for the most part.”

She picked up the glass and turned it over in her hands, watching the light winking off of it. She reached for the decanter but her hand stopped halfway, trembling slightly. She slowly lowered her arm and tucked her hands around her waist in the protective gesture he’d noticed at the party. “So what do you do instead?” she asked in a low voice, turning so her back was to the drinks on the table. 

He approached her slowly, rubbing his hands up and down her arms. “Well first” he said with a laugh “Let’s get you into something a little more comfortable.” Steering her to the wardrobe so she could pick out some soft pants and an oversized shirt he politely turned his back while she shimmied out of her dress.

“It’s not like you haven’t seen this before” she said teasingly and he shrugged.

“I’m just being respectful” he chided “Don’t want you to think that I’m trying to get in your pants.”

She sighed “Not a chance. These are the most comfortable pants I’ve ever worn, I may never take them off.” 

“Damn” he sighed “and I had such plans.” Her laugh sounded less brittle and he relaxed a bit. Taking her by the hand he led her to the couch, building up the fire with a whispered spell. He arranged himself in the corner and pulled her into his lap, tucking a blanket around them both. With another whispered spell a book flew off the shelf and she looked at his curiously. “I’m guessing that you haven’t read much wizarding children’s stories. I thought I’d share my favorite.”

Hermione gave a happy sigh and snuggled in closer “You are wonderful” she said and Draco’s heart thumped almost painfully. Opening the book he began to read.


	24. Results

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of infertility/miscarriage.

Draco could only see the top of Hermione’s head poking out from behind the stack of books on the desk. “Hello” he called teasingly “Anyone here?”

She stood up and smiled at him “Come see” she said excitedly. Thrusting a piece of parchment in his face she gestured at the stack of books with bits of paper sticking out of them. “Geranium oil is EVERYWHERE. Some of them use it externally, others as a tonic. There are all sorts of variations of what it is mixed with, but it is definitely the constant.” 

He read through the list of ingredients that she had handed him. “Most of these are fairly inert” he said absently “A way to maintain the amount of the main ingredient without the finicky process of using pure oil. Some of these have known numbing or pain relief properties, which makes sense.” 

Hermione was bouncing slightly on her toes. “I know. I know that it isn’t much to go on.” she said “I mean, so far we’ve only decided that maybe it had an effect on my curse damage. But, once we have the other scans we can see if there are any connections. Even if it doesn’t help with the cruciatius, what if it is something that can help women during pregnancy and childbirth? What if it makes it easier to carry a pregnancy to term? That would be huge.” 

Draco nodded slowly as he pulled and envelope from his sack. “Well” he said “I came to find you because we just got a delivery from Dr. Flint.” 

Hermione reached for the envelope eagerly, but then froze. “It might be nothing” she reasoned.

“True.”

“It might be a dead end.”

“Definitely a possibility.”

Sighing loudly she slit open the envelope and started to lay out the photos. Molly, Fleur and Ginny all had clear, sharp scans with no irregularities. Then they got to the ones from women who had no exposure to the cruciatus and had been pregnant 1-3 times each. Hermione’s hands trembled. “Draco look” she whispered. He put a hand on her shoulder as he leaned in to examine them. The fraying and scarring was almost identical to what they had seen in victims of the curse. The ones who had 1 or 2 pregnancies showed the slight blurring of a low exposure, but Hermione’s heart clenched when she looked at “2 live births, 5 miscarriages.” It was as frayed and blurry as her or Draco’s scans. Trembling she laid her scan side by side to be sure, but the resemblance was unmistakable. Draco retrieved Molly’s scan and the contrast was almost jarring.

“Fuck” he said “You are telling me that being pregnant is like getting the cruciatus curse for 9 months.”

Hermione nodded “And I’d imagine childbirth would be more intense but for a shorter duration.”

"I always thought Blaise was joking when he said ‘never trust something that bleeds for seven days and doesn't die’ but shit witch you all are terrifying" Hermione stared at him for a long moment and then burst out laughing. “So what now?” he asked and she tapped her chin thoughtfully.

“We need more proof that this can work for the cruciatius” she said finally “I think we can make a good case for it being important for pregnancy and childbirth but if we can ALSO say that it will help victims of the curse then we have a stronger case for looking for funding and trials.”

Draco nodded “Makes sense.” He left briefly to retrieve something from his lab, with a few passes with his wand he had enlarged the bottle and conjured a soft rug in front of the fire. Hermione looked on in confusion as he summoned Mipsy and talked to her quietly for a moment before locking down the wards of the room. 

“Uh, Draco?” she finally asked and he turned to her with a smirk.

“We know it goes on well as a rub, so, I figured a massage oil made the most sense.”

Hermione rolled her eyes “I thought you said you don’t mix business with pleasure” she chided and he shrugged innocently.

“I’ll make an exception, this once. Now, do you want to go first or shall I?”

Hermione grinned and nonchalantly stripped off her clothes, smiling to herself when Draco swallowed hard. She arranged herself on the rug and quirked an eyebrow at him. He seemed to almost apparate he was over to her so fast. Kneeling over her he dripped the oil along the crease of her spine and slowly spread it, working carefully to glide his hands along all of her exposed skin. “Fuck Mia” his voice sounded strangled “You are gorgeous.” She smiled contentedly, shivers running along her skin as he moved his hands over her.

“I told you I like being petted” she said in a sleepy voice “Take all the time you think you need.”

When he finished he sat back on his heels and smirked at her. “I think we need to repeat this once a day for a week before getting another scan from Dr. Flint” he said seriously “It is important to stay consistent.”

“Agreed. But, don’t you think that we should abstain from any other potential cross contamination? I mean you were pretty convinced that sex magic had something to do with it. I would hate to sully our results.” She burst out laughing at Draco’s stunned expression. “Lay down before you hurt yourself” she joked and reached for the bottle.

**

After what Draco termed “the best worst week of my life” he and Hermione were waiting for Dr. Flint to pull up the newest scans. Hermione was slowly ripping a piece of parchment into tiny pieces and Draco was using every ounce of occlumency skills to keep from fidgeting. Finally the scans blinked onto the screen and they leaned forward eagerly.

“Ok” Dr. Flint said “On the left is your original scan. On the right is today’s scan after one week of consistent application of the geranium oil.” Their eyes flicked rapidly between the two images. 

“There” Hermione said “I can definitely see a difference along the edges, where the fraying was the least.” Draco nodded and started jotting notes. 

“Here too” he said “Subtle but I think it is improved. We need to find some sort of way to measure this blurriness, I’m going to work on that.”

Hermione hummed in agreement, “Have you noticed any symptom changes?” she asked curiously and Draco shrugged.

“Honestly, it is hard to say. The ache has become almost background noise at this point.” 

“Same” she sighed “I don’t know if we would be able to definitively prove that, but the scans certainly don’t lie.” They stared at the screen in silence for a long minute. “Now what? Do we continue on our own? Go to the Ministry or St. Mungos?” 

Draco straightened up in his chair “Now” he said decisively “We officially form the apothecary. We don’t want the Ministry tromping all over this research and either taking it away from us or sticking it in the bottom of an endless “to do” pile and letting it rot.” He retrieved a folder from his bag and laid it out “I’ve been planning it for a while and have all of the forms ready to take to the Ministry. The only thing is, I don’t want to do it alone. I would love you and Dr. Flint to be founding partners with me.”

“And Molly” Hermione said quickly and Draco nodded

“And definitely Molly.” he agreed “ We get this started, all the forms signed, sealed and delivered. Then, we put together a proposal for the Ministry and Mungos. We get a full scale trial going for both the curse and pregnancy.” He stopped, flushing slightly “Sorry. That was a lot. Why don’t you think on it.” He stood up abruptly and rubbed the back of his neck. “I’ve been planning this for a long time, but you all should think it over.” 

Hermione lay a hand gently over his “I’m in” she said “We’re doing this together, right?” His smile lit up his face and Hermione leaned in and gave him a kiss. “Only problem, how do we get around the ‘don’t start any careers for a year’ part? We still have almost 6 months to go.”

“I thought about that” Draco said with a self-satisfied grin. “Looking at the Ministry regulations they just said no marriages and no careers. There isn’t actually anything in here about starting businesses, buying houses or the like. Plus, I’m Head of the House of Malfoy. They can put restrictions on me but they can’t really stop the entire Malfoy line from moving forward with businesses.”

Dr. Flint leaned over and picked up the papers, scanning through he nodded and made a few notes. “Well, this looks very thorough.” he said “I’m in.”

Draco looked startled “Just like that?” he asked.

“Just like that” Dr. Flint confirmed “I’ve been wanting to branch out and this is a great opportunity. Plus” he grinned “You’ll need a medical professional on board and if Molly says yes that gets you covered inside and outside the establishment.”

“Theo and Neville would be brilliant additions.” Hermione said “Neville can work on the supply side and Theo can tinker with you. We can bring them on quietly until the year is over if they want. That would be a good core group to get it started.” 

“Ok” Draco said, almost to himself, “OK. I guess we are doing this.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright loves. I'm ready to draw this to a close...what do you need? Do you want an epilogue that brings the story to a good place for everyone? Do you need more arc? Not everything will be solved but I want you to feel good about where it ends.


	25. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This poor story! I left it hanging for so long. There was still so much that could be written but also my Muse was pretty insistent that I was done for now. I'll try to give the characters a little wrap up, they deserve it certainly!

Draco laughed quietly to himself as he leaned against the door of the research library. Hermione was bent over a parchment, a stack of wobbly books stacked up above her head. He sent a wordless stabilizing charm to keep them from falling on her head, and the brush of magic made her look up. She smiled and beckoned them forward "You are just in time. I wanted to show you the latest application from the Ministry and St. Mungos. I think that the potential for a sustainable partnership is pretty good if." 

Draco cut her off with a kiss "I want to hear all about it." he told her "But before I lose you to research again there is something I want to show you." Hermione raised an eyebrow and let him help her up from behind the stacks of documents, lacing his hand through hers they walked quickly down the hallway.

So much had happened in the last few months. Draco had acquired a large building just a little off Diagon Alley and outfitted for all of their needs. Dr. Flint had a large office space so he could keep seeing patients and be involved in the research. There was an extensive greenhouse, fussed over by Neville, and a labyrinth of potions labs for production and development. They had a steady stream of products that they were mass producing and making available widely as well as the more experimental ideas. Molly decided to stay in her space at The Burrow "You know dear" she'd told Hermione "Some of the women prefer to come see me quietly, like its a social call and not a need for a potion" but came through the the floo often with updates and ideas. 

The research wing was where Hermione was the happiest. She would delve into the journals of pureblood women, hedgewitches and any other source she could get her hands on. So far she'd decided that after the work they were doing on Cruciatius and pregnancy complications that there was a possibility for a cheaper and more stable form of Wolfsbane. More ideas were percolating, but she tried not to get too far ahead of herself. She also ruthlessly used her position as "Golden Girl" to make inroads with the Ministry, St. Mungos, suppliers and donors. They'd used her, she'd told Draco once, and now she was returning the favor. 

They finally wound their way over towards the executive offices and Draco stopped in front of one of the doors. Hermione looked at him expectantly and he just gestured with a smile. A brass plaque boldly proclaimed "Hermione Granger- Head of Research and Development." Her mouth open and closed a few times and she blinked rapidly. "Draco" she said "It's, what are you doing? I know we've flown under the radar but I think that this is a little obviously a job and."

Draco laughed and pushed the door open. "I knew you'd lose track of time" Draco said, a touch smugly. "We did it Granger. It's been six months. Your year of leisure is officially over." She laughed and swatted at him "And so, now, can I please move you officially into the type of office you deserve. 

Hermione went inside, spinning around slowly to look at her new space "It has been a year, hasn't it." She said, a little breathlessly, "I can't quite believe it."

"It has been a bit of a wild ride." Draco admitted "But I wouldn't change where we ended up."

Hermione smiled "There are a few things I'd change along the way" she admitted "But definitely not where we ended up." 

"So, Ms. Granger" Draco said, in his most official term "May I consider this your acceptance of a position at the company?"

"The company I own a third of" She reminded him with a smirk

"True" he conceded "But..."

"Of course" she said, "I couldn't imagine being anywhere else." 

Draco leaned down and kissed her, brushing the hair back and gazing at her "Me either" he agreed.

THE END


End file.
